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Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

THE TRAGEDY OF ILLUSORY REALITY



Compliments of the Season from your favorite absconder from the creative duty of writing. I wrote on this blog just once last year, I actually managed to match my personal record of laziness set the previous year. This is not a record I am proud of, and this year, I have determined to pummel procrastination into submission and write as much as I can. So help me God. And for those of you who dropped some friends last year, I hope you have not started picking up some new ones already this year, just to come and disturb us at the end of the year with news that you will be dropping them again.


With the usual apologies, resolutions, and subs out of the way, let me get to the reason why I am here very early this year (aside pummeling procrastination) – I think reality is being replaced with illusion, so I need to find out if I am the odd one out still living here while others have migrated to an alternate world where white is black, and red is green. The reality, where we take everything on Social Media as the perfect depiction of people’s lives and we therefore judge our own lives as not being up to par based on that, has become such an epidemic. I don’t want to sound like an alarmist, but this is actually a deeper epidemic at the same level as substance abuse as well as pseudo-literacy, especially when you combine all together as it is common nowadays.

Every day, people upload dance videos on Snapchat and Instagram, and we are assuming they are always happy. These are all lies, no one person is always happy, and no one person, who is truthful to themselves, is always sad. People will most likely share the pictures of their vacation, but not the picture of the hard work which went into making the money to go on the vacation, probably they even took a loan to go on the trip. Your friends are more likely to share their pictures in a plane, but not in a NAPEP. You see, people’s DPs are their representatives, and their statuses are their alter egos, those are not their “real faces”, most of the savage lions on social media are real life lambs - everything is make-believe. That this illusory reality drives some people to having mood swings, becoming depressed, and push some to even end it all with suicide is extremely alarming and dishearteningly worrying.


Self-styled Influencers and Life-Coaches are the Platos and Aristotles of today sharing nuggets about all topics, half of which they do not have basic knowledge of, and most people take those half-baked information as gospel truth and start using them as gauges for their personal lives –
YOLO – Anyone ever told you you will live twice before? Even Bhuddists don’t believe you will come back as you.
Sleep is for the weak– OK. Be forming hard, by the time you have a nervous breakdown, it is a pity you will be a mental wreck and you might not even be able to differentiate between weak and strong.
Live today, tomorrow is not assured – Hmmmmnnnnn. Tomorrow will become assured, and you will have to live with the consequences of the horrible decisions and the stupid actions of today, and what do you do?
True love exists, and you don’t have to chase after it, it will find you wherever you are – Oooshey Love Doctor of the House of Romance. The one who compiled the encyclopedia of love.

Hey people, the hard truth is that we all cannot achieve the exact same things in life. Everyone is not going to be super rich, and we are not all going to be super-successful. By sheer serendipity, some are born far ahead of others, and they will always remain ahead bar some catastrophes of epic proportion. Not all children will be brilliant, not all marriages will celebrate diamond jubilees, not everyone will be healthy, these are just the realities of life. However, it does not mean we cannot achieve happiness or personal progress, we as individuals, and the variables within our individual control should be the yardsticks we use to measure our personal progresses which should determine our state of happiness.


You know your story, you know your dreams; you know where you started from, you know where you are going. Let’s continue to set realistic personal goals and dedicate all our means to achieving them. Let’s periodically take stock, carry out objective appraisals, and tweak when necessary, that’s progress. The misguided belief that we are the dregs of the Earth and that everyone else is flexing and happy based on what they post on social media or is nothing but an illusion. 

In a simple way, between the colour White and colour Black, there are countless shades of Grey, you could just be the dark grey at the moment, and frankly, everyone is just another shade of grey, just keep adding more of white, and you are on course to becoming your favourite shade of grey.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!



Twitter: @SirRash

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

RIVERS OF BABYLON

It started out as a song playing in my subconscious, then I started humming it around the house and the office, then I started playing it out loud through my phone, and I had to go post the lyrics on Facebook, and now it is at the top of my “most played” playlist. I am referring to the popular Boney M song “Rivers of Babylon” which has taken over my life in the last two weeks.

As someone who likes looking for Order within Chaos, and someone who considers rationalizing phenomena as important and as necessary as breathing is to continuous existence, I have been trying to understand why this song has suddenly taken over my life at this point in time. Like all Researchers worth the title would do, I decided to start from the beginning.
Boney M, I am sure have rights to the song, but the original writer of the lyrics is King David aka The Psalmist, the man whose favoured instrument was the Harp, and who has one hundred and fifty curated singles to his credit among which are the popular “The Earth Is The Lord’s And The Fullness Thereof”, “He That Dwelleth In The Secret Place Of The Most High”, “I Will Lift Up My Head To The Mountains High” and the seminal “The Lord Is My Shepherd”. The lyrics to the song could be found in the first four verses of Psalms 137 and the last verse of Psalm 90. However, I am still not close to finding an answer to the question - Why does the song keep ringing in my head?

To answer this question, I had to summon my inner Bertrand, Descartes, Nietsche, Kierkegaard, Kant, Freud, Orwell, Marx, and Awolowo; and ask series of questions about Life, Living, Existence, Afterlife, Happiness, Purpose, Fate, Choice, Spirituality, Love, and a whole lot of other concepts. Suffice to say I did a lot of thinking, probably became enlightened a little more, definitely got a bit more confused, but with a better understanding of why the song has been ringing in my head.

I believe the song is a summation of the state of humans in the present world, a world where divisions are being accentuated, where bigotry and hate are being encouraged, where diseases keep finding ways to morph, where wars have become the norm, where poverty and hunger keep growing exponentially, and where humans seem incapable of providing far-reaching and long-lasting solutions.

This world is not our home as we love it, this must be a captive colony of the wicked, this is Babylon, our home is in Zion; but we are here and we are expected to be happy and show love to everyone, but how do we continue to be happy and loving when sadness permeates everywhere? How do we continue to be model human beings when that represents the exception at the moment? As it stands, when we cannot fathom a way out of the pervasive quagmire, we turn to the Most High and offer supplications and hope He will accept and prepare a place for us somewhere else, a place far better, peaceful, and inspiring than this Babylon.

The song represents my conscious cum subconscious view of the state of the world at the moment – disillusionment, shame, and hopelessness.


I am not giving up though. I believe we can still salvage the world. Believing is a start, isn’t it?

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Sunday, July 24, 2016

THE CONUNDRUM OF BEING A NIGERIAN

Nigeria is one big conundrum, and Nigerians are one lovely nebulous people, we share so many similarities and at the same time so many differences. Nigerians are adept at adapting to situations, especially difficult and unwarranted situations - for instance, Nigerians buy land from some families, lands which they do not own, but only occupy, because the government actually owns all the land and everything therein; then Nigerians build houses; sink boreholes to provide water; erect fences and gates, erect self-contain at the front for the security personnel, thereby providing their own security end-to-end; and then they buy their own generators to provide electricity, or probably go for solar panels on the roof, or go for battery powered inverters, or a combination of all options, thereby becoming their own electricity generating and distributing company. When there are many of such house-owners in the area, they form a Community Development Association (CDA), they contribute funds and tar the roads, they contribute funds and erect electricity poles and cables, they contribute funds and buy transformers and lobby power-company officials to connect them to the electricity grid, then they call on the Local Government Chairperson or the Commissioner or even the Governor to come and commission all the projects. Please, take a moment to reflect and let all these sink in – Nigerians take over the responsibilities of Government, then call on the Government to come and take the glory. We are nice like that. We will rather fight our long-time neighbour who is from another tribe or believes in a different creed in defence of a clueless minister (who is oblivious of our existence by the way), because the Minister speaks the same mother tongue and wields the same Holy Book as us.




Nigerians who work in structured organisations pay income tax in form of PAYE, actually, the Government takes the tax before Nigerians collect their salaries. Those who work in the informal sector pay all forms of levies. We pay VAT on almost everything. We pay stamp duties on almost all bank transactions. We indirectly pay all forms of duties e.g import, excise, etc. We pay for licences to own a vehicle, and to drive the vehicle. In Lagos, we even pay Consumption Tax whenever we have the temerity to go to eateries and hotels rather than bukas. Then we still have to provide basic amenities for ourselves. In Nigeria, the only things we do not provide for ourselves are those things the government do not allow us to provide for ourselves, like fuel and a standing army. Yet, we still find it rational in our minds to continue to fight ourselves on behalf of the same Government



We are capable of expressing righteous indignation at being labelled “a fantastically corrupt nation”, and we are at the same capable of expressing righteous indignation at people who demand government accountability. Ironic, is it not? We are confused like that. Those in Government spend all their time making u-turns on promises, skirting around important issues that affect the most of us, and displaying verbal acrobatic skills on pointless issues like “threatening to impregnate a colleague” or “defending other corrupt colleagues”; yet we only try to match them by labelling ourselves “Hailers” and “Wailers” and ensuring that all our reasoning and positions are determined by those nomenclatures. We spend all our days criticizing smart moves, defending senseless positions, and justifying insanity based on our tribes or political affiliations. Nigerians, I know you love your religion, and your tribe, and your political affiliations; but can you find some space in-between exhibiting all those loves to show some love to the whole humanity too and allow rationality to take precedence over emotions sometimes. See, the problem is that humanity precedes and supercedes every other thing, and if we allow humanity to be wiped off, there will be nothing to defend or criticize again because we would all be gone, as in wiped off, obliterated…



Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Sunday, October 11, 2015

...OF PARADOXES AND MORE PARADOXES

I have mulled over a befitting title for this post over a million times (I kid, maybe just over a thousand times), and I have not been able to settle on one as at the time I am writing this first sentence. I want to write about something very real and ever-present, and I want to write in my style of fluid narration, with in-depth description/exposition when necessary , all conveyed in a vehicle of subtle humor and satire, with the very serious message in there for all to see and appreciate. I want to pass across a very important message, but without boring you to death or scaring you to hell, I want to sound funny and interesting without coming across as a clown, I want to make people simultaneously laugh and think, and then go out to contribute to making a positive change to themselves and the society afterwards. This is the Paradox of trying to be a Conscientious Writer.
Interestingly, President Buhari, who strode into Aso Rock hailed as the “Uprightest President Ever Liveth” kept the nation guessing and anticipating his Ministerial List for four months. He kept moving back the release date like Davido’s sophomore album. We were all anticipating the “Baddest” List, but when the List finally dropped, it felt like Wizkid’s “Ayo” Album - made up of materials we have not just grown accustomed to, but also tired of, because they have been circulated as “Official Singles” or “Leaked Singles” in countless DJ mixtapes.
In fairness to the President, he defended the eternity it took for the List to be released:
In fairness to Nigerians too, it was the President’s handlers, loyalists, and sympathizers who kept inundating us with tales of how the President was scouring the length, breadth and the nethermost parts of Nigeria to unearth untainted and incorruptible androids to work with him in bringing about the much vaunted change; so do not accuse of insatiability when we complain after seeing names like Audu Ogbeh and Rotimi Amaechi on the List. The lesson here is: the APC is now in charge, we need less of propaganda, and more of implementation of policies, this is not hip-hop, so we do not need to roll out the hype-machine and try to sell Wizkid as the new Fela. This is the Paradox of running a Government: it should be less of hip-hop style promotion, and more like whatever else is big, serious, broken, affects a lot of people, and needs fixing... something like Nigeria.
In similar vein, accusations have been leveled against the President that he is running a Gerontocracy. Of course, the accusations are not completely baseless, but we need to look at both sides of the coin here. Nigeria, towards the end of Jonathan’s administration had become rudderless and directionless, we were actually on the verge of an implosion, and most of the ills were brought about by the conscienceless people President Jonathan surrounded himself with. As such, if the new Sheriff in town is only comfortable working with only the people he can vouch for, I think it is understandable, and considering the President is a Septuagenarian, it is only logical most of the people he can personally claim to have close affinity with will be within the age bracket sixty to eighty years. This however presents another conundrum: how will the Youths garner the experience to take over the reins of Leadership in the nearest future? I have heard many “Young Ones” blame the “Old Ones” for how the Youths are today, claiming the erosion of our value system is the fault of those who have been steering the ship of the nation since Independence. I quite agree to a large extent that role models are scarce, but when you look at most of the Youths who have been in positions of authority, you realize they are not different from those they blame. In this blame-game, the “Old Ones” consider the “Young Ones” inexperienced and untrustworthy; while the “Young Ones” believe the “Old Ones” are archaic and immorally-entitled. This is where the Paradox of Leadership in this dispensation emanates: how do the Youths garner experience and enhance their reputation to step up into higher roles if they are not given responsibilities?
Pervasively, there are so many paradoxes around, so many that we have come to fully accept them as normal: we build beautiful cities and then spend more money providing security in the cities than we spend providing education for children in the cities; we have many smart gadgets now, but we cannot say the same about human beings; we drink alcohol both when we are extremely happy and when we are extremely sad, and everytime in-between; we make advances in technology, and we seem to simultaneously take equal giant strides in birthing or unearthing humans who seize the technology to terrorize us all. Maybe this is how our existence is to be: to always pursue happiness but never catch up with it; to always preach love and show apathy or outright hate; to always promise freedom and deliver bondage. I guess this is the Paradox of our Existence which Shakespeare captured succinctly in the first quartet of Sonnet XXXV:


I think I will simply title this piece “Of Paradoxes and more Paradoxes” and sign out till next time.
Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Monday, July 20, 2015

INSPIRATION FROM AN UNLIKELY PLACE


I don’t know if you really know your Bible. No, I do not mean whether you are a Christian, or whether you go to Church, I mean, really know your Bible. Well, you don’t have to feel guilty, you are not alone *winks*. Staying on course, let me quickly take you to that part of the Bible, the New Living Translation Version of the Bible, in the book of Job, Chapter 1 Verse 7, Satan went before God:
God: Where have you come from?
Satan: I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that’s going on.
Now, don’t start getting funny ideas, you are not God, and I am definitely not Satan, but given that it has been ten months since I last showed myself here, you are totally within your rights to ask me “Where have you come from?”, and I am sure the best answer I can give is “I have been patrolling the Earth, watching everything that’s going on.”

Surprisingly, many things have not changed since I was here. You know the way they say the more things change, the more they remain the same, that is exactly the feeling I have right now. Since the last time I trod this path, the PDP has gone from being the Ruling Party to the Opposition Party, but the size of the Government is still huge, the Naira is still reeling, and Boko Haram is still on rampage; the United States and its allies have bombed more terrorist camps with more advanced drones, but insurgency is dishearteningly still waxing stronger and spreading its tentacles across the globe; a lot of us complain about the depth and essence of music and movies being churned out on daily basis, but the bottom just seems to be coming closer to the surface (you must have heard Ladi); and Arsenal have spent about £150m over two years on players, four of them from Real Madrid, Barcelona, Manchester United, and Chelsea, and Arsenal have won three trophies in those two years but the media and opposition fans are still convinced Arsenal is a stingy club, there is just no pleasing the haters I guess; and the Company I “work with” has succeeded in sending most of the “expatriates” either back to their country or to a direct competitor, and have successfully replaced them with Nigerians, but the more things change, the more they remain the same, and sometimes, they even get worse.

However, unlike the bear, I did not just curl into a crevice and go into hibernation (How does a bear actually live with itself after coming out of hibernation, knowing it has just slept away a huge chunk of its life? Has it never heard of sagely sayings like “Life is Short” and “YOLO”?), I have actually been very active networking, building, and nurturing. I am really putting in the shift so that very soon, I will not have to introduce myself again because I would have become “Rich and Famous”, to borrow from Praiz. I get inspired everyday by people all over the world working assiduously to actualize their dreams, but nothing inspires more than when those people are close to home, when you know their stories, you experience their struggles and efforts with them, and you partake in the returns first-hand. There are a lot of dudes and dames out there doing a lot of good, and these more than anyone else have made my blogging-hibernation not torturous. There is JayOsbie, a young man full of ideas with an equal dose of energy and steadily climbing the ladder of success; there is Dawan, one of the most versatile people I have ever met gradually carving a niche for herself; there is SphinxPhoto who turned her hobby into a passion and now money is chasing her;  there is Fagro, my guy who is always so productively busy, Lagos with its perennial traffic jams is antithetical to his dreams; there is Dotun, my cosmopolitan friend striving to light up the world and simultaneously save the planet; there are my friends at work who made the days run by fast despite the stress; and then there is Family who always make me feel blessed beyond words and simultaneously encourage me to strive harder because I owe it to them as a life’s duty to always give them the best in life.

Like a pen, I have to at some point run out, and I think I have reached that point. I leave for today, and I promise not to go into hibernation again, and this is a promise I plan to keep.

Lest I forget, thanks Obums for getting me out of dormancy. Your words reinvigorated and prompted me to write this weekend. I really appreciate.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Sunday, September 14, 2014

...OF SAGES, ASPIRING SAGES, AND A WHIRLWIND

In a Rat Race, the eventual winner is still a Rat. – SirRash (An aspiring Sage or something like that)

Gone are the days when you hear the word Sage and you think of Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Sun Tsu, Lao Tzu, Awo, Zik, Nkrumah, Bob Marley, Baba Fela, and a few others. Today, Sages have become a dime a dozen, and the most annoying are motivational speakers telling everybody that cares to pay to listen that they could be anything they want to be, thus encouraging people who should be busy taking naps for as long as possible to become motivational speakers (continuing the endless vicious cycle) all opening their mouths or punching their keypads terrorising us with their shallow anecdotes, simplistic soundbites,

and one dimensional ideas. The fad right now is to tell people that paid-employment cannot make them wealthy, that they have to float their own start-ups, which is ironical because if these speakers do know the recipe for wealth, why are they not all wealthy yet? I have always been an advocate of diversity, so I will not want to advocate for throwing all motivational speakers in jail, some of them do make sense most of the time, I would rather look on the bright side, they could have been politicians.

Indubitably, only a few things in this world are ever constant: death, but no one knows when or how it will come; and mathematical formulaes, but only a handful of people understand them. One person’s “Road to Redemption” is another’s “Highway to Hell”; some toil to make ends meet whilesome gets things in abundance without even trying. Yes, we must always aspire to improve and increase (not in size or weight), but we have to understand at the same time that we are an ecosystem because of our diversity. And the foregrounding of wealth over everything else puts the human race at risk because it relegates morality/humanity and promotes greed/soullessness. The fact of life is: we all cannot be wealthy, we all cannot be rich, we cannot alleven be comfortable, some people will still be poor. We will all continue to strive to be better, but we do not own all the aces, and no matter what hands we play, we cannot always win. Knowledge and Intelligence are necessary for social mobility, but these are not even readily available to all at the same rate or price. In reality, Fate, Destiny, Grace, and their other metaphysical kins are factors you cannot totally extricate from our lives. Now I think I am in a whirlwind.


The whirlwind is eerily whirling around and forward at a pace faster than the speed of light, but instead of feeling dizzy and puking all over the place I was actually relaxed and I was even penning the next post for my blog (which is now the Number One Blog in the whole world) and mentally composing tweets to troll self-appointed Twitter warlords and narcissistic underscore-abusing Instagram baes. Then an invisible hand gave me a transparent bag which means I did not have to open it to see that it contains all the high-end gadgets in the world - iPhone 10, Samsung S9, Samsung Note 7, Sony Xperia ZX, Blackberry Z100, iPad Invisible, PS8, Xbox5, Google Brain, etc, and they are all my custom-designed complimentary pieces from the manufacturers as a token of their appreciation of my contribution to the design and development. Then, the whirlwind came to a halt and I saw all the rich people in the world, including a senile Birdman and a grotesque Tunechi (they are known as “Old Money Much Money Gazillionaires - OMMMG), sitting at a table and the seat at the head of the table was unoccupied, and immediately they saw me, they all stood and paid obeisance, obviously, I am the richest man on Earth now. Then a contraption which obviously reads mind wheezed me to the head of the table... Actually, I could go on and on, but I think I have reached a point where I need to stop deluding myself and admit that I have come to the end of my writing tethers for today.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi
Google+: Rasheed Adewusi

Sunday, June 1, 2014

LETTER TO WENGER 01

Dear Arsene,

It is with joy unbridled and happiness unlimited that I received the news that you have appended your scrawly signature to a new three-year contract, and you will be at the helms of the football affairs of The Arsenal till 2017, and probably beyond, because your style and the vision of Stan Kroenke fit like a mortise to a tenon. I have nurtured the dream of writing you this letter for a very long time, but I needed to be sure you were not ditching the Emirates, because it would be pointless writing to you about a future you had no interest to feature in. As a Gooner for the better part of 16 years, you have been the only Manager I know at my beloved Arsenal, and the thought of another Manager sitting in the front row of the Home Bench at The Emirates still looks hazy to me at the moment.

Actually, I have waited so long to write this letter, but not as long as I have waited to enjoy the kind of feeling I had on Saturday 17th of May when I saw players in Red and White with Victoria Concordia Crescit crested on their badge lifting the FA Cup Trophy aloft in sheer joy and ecstasy. That feeling has been missing for the better part of nine years, and now that it is back, I want it every season like it used to be in the first seven years of my fanship. This is the reason I am writing this open letter to you Le Professeur.
Honestly, Arsenal Football Club will always be grateful to you for what you have done for the Club both on and off the field. You brought your cosmopolitan ways to Arsenal and changed the Club to a consistent contender and a serial winner. Off the field - a new training facility, a new fitness regime, a new diet plan, a lure for continental players, and a new stadium to cap them all were all your ideas. And on the pitch, you ensured the Club remained competitive during years of lean finances despite the infiltration of the English game by filthy money from Russia and later from UAE. Only a fool, like that loquacious creep working for that emotionless Russian Mafioso, will question your position in Club Football. You are one of the few good men remaining in football, but in this age and time, character and attitude off the pitch count for little, only success on the pitch count for much. Moreover, your Legacy, though indubitable in the Arsenal Folklore, will be driven by the Media from the perspective of years of drought; you know bad news is what sells the most.

Objectively, I did understand those periods of lean finances, and unlike that Twitter-follower-whoring, incompetent-at-journalism, BOOM-shouting-only-when-we-score twat, I defended your actions and decisions everywhere I could; but that is now water under the bridge and I want a squad that can stand toe-to-toe with any squad in Europe. At the moment, we have a Very Good Squad but we need at least four more players to turn it into a Great Squad - a competent back-up Goalkeeper, a versatile Centre Back, a Young-Rugged-Skilful Defensive Midfielder, and a Ruthless Striker (an upgrade on Giroud). Let me add that if Vermalaen does leave, we need two Centre Backs considering Sagna, our deendable emergency Centre-Back, will also leave. Being a shrewd spotter of talent, I trust you to buy some known quality or unearth some diamonds in the dirt. Next season, Arsenal will be Challenging, not just Participating, in Four Competitions, therefore, we need a big squad with Depth and Quality. All round quality is what keeps a team together, Fabregas departure to Barcelona was predicated on the dearth of quality in the squad he captained – Almunia in Goal, Senderos at Centre-Back, Song in Central Midfield, and Adebayor as centre Forward - I still get those nightmares occasionally and I tell you, only consistent trophies can fully bring an end to this torture.

In the same vein, a little bit of ruthlessness is needed to have a committed squad. In this age where the average footballer earns far better than Medical Doctors, the least they could do is give consistent committed performances. Any player who could not prove his worth in two seasons should be let go. Being a Father-Figure is all good, but you know not all sons are reliable. Most Professional Footballers are not sons to be groomed and molded into better human beings, they are mercenaries selling their expertise to the highest bidder. They rarely buy into any plan that does not involve them getting hundreds of thousands of Pounds at the end of every week. I know you have hope in human nature, and you believe no one is beyond redemption, but we feel serious hurt when a bumblebee like Song plays well for a season and hurtles off to Barcelona, or the inconsistent Nasri bounced off to Manchester City after a decent half-season, or the sicknote Van Persie ran-off to Manchester United after a fantastic eighteen months which were preceded by six years of being consistently knackered, six years when you always left his space open in the squad to the detriment of the team’s attacking abilities. I know we consider ourselves classy, and we stand by our players in their time of needs, but it is tedious when all we as fans could brag about is Class. Moreover, do players respect Class? Of course, the little boy inside Van Persie does not, neither does the mature hipster inside Alex Song, neither does the mediocre ogre inside Adebayor, nor does the ugly cunt inside Nasri.

On a lighter note, now that you have steered us through the stormy waters of austerity and we have gazillions of cash available to improve the Squad a la all the Partnerships, I hope I can safely assume we will not be seeing signings like the Almunias, the Cygans, the Silvestres, the Andre Santos, the Parks, and the Bendtners who as a butterfly considered himself an eagle; and let me just put it out there, I will buy your autobiography, just solely because I want to know what the signing of Park Chu Young was really all about. As a realist, I know we will not be making signings like Ozil every transfer window, but at least we can add players from the top of the crop or maybe the layer directly below the top, not scraping the base of the bushel as in windows past.

Le Professeur, you lead the famous Gunners with Canons crested on their chests, and we the Gooners have been Loyal (unlike Chris Brown’s Babes), now is the time to bring the Glory Days back! Make the Owners match their Words with Actions! Build a Formidable Squad! Let us bring Victoria Concordia Crescit into play once again! Let The Arsenal become the undisputed Pride of London! Let “Come On You Gunners” not sound hollow and shallow again! Let Trophyless Seasons become Ancient History! And Let Gooners across the Globe regain their Pride of Place in the Court of Bragging Rights!


SirRash (A Gunner to the Bone Marrow)

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi
Google+: Rasheed Adewusi

Sunday, March 30, 2014

THE TRIPLE THREAT

Watching the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump, the Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, talking about a fellow roaster Larry King said “in this business, Larry King is known as a Triple Threat because at anytime he could have a heart attack, have a stroke, or shit his pants.” This got me reeling in laughter every time I watch that particular “Roast”; but this is not the case when I think about the triple threat to the future of the youths of this country, I always struggle to keep back the tears. Stark Illiteracy, Drug Abuse, and Legalized Gambling are the triple threat to the future of the Nigerian youth.

Come on guys, you mean you don’t cry every time you read comments on blogs and websites? The youths cannot keep a conversation going without resorting to ethnic mumbo-jumbo and verbal assaults; and these are usually written in English that is at war with the standards of spelling, grammar, or context, you would think the law has been rewritten to allow everyone determine what the rules of spelling, grammar, and context are. Yes, I know English is not our first language, but how many people can even write in their mother-tongue? Please, do not come to me from that angle. Is it not disheartening that we have so many schools, public and private, from the Primary to the University level, and our youths are still stark illiterates? Most of the Youths cannot keep a logical argument going, they cannot draw conclusive deductions or inference, and they do not read. All the guidance we need in this world is in books, but the youths will not read. Imagine my disgust when Achebe died and I came across some youths who had smartphones and had never heard of Chinua Achebe, come on guys Wikipedia and Google should be bookmarked on every youth’s browser for the nation’s future sake. Most of the time when I see this, I ask myself- are these people normal or are they under the influence of some substances? Maybe!

Substance Abuse is also another threat to the future of the Nigerian Youth. Substance abuse has been around from time immemorial, but it has never been this blatant or pervasive from time immemorial. I remember growing up, anyone who smoked hemp was considered a deviant and anyone who is suspected of taking cocaine or heroin is considered a shame to his/her family. Now, these are considered some of the coolest things to do. Not so long ago, taking a hard drug is considered one of the three axes of ignominy, alongside armed robbery and prostitution. Nowadays, substance abuse is considered a fad of maturity. It is hard to believe that cannabis is an illegal drug because you can always see people smoking them everywhere you turn, and our youths are so creative with its use that they boil and drink it like tea, they also spice their food with it. Yet cannabis is not the worst of the drugs that most youths have become dependent on. Benylin with Codeine is a staple drug for some, while some are slaves to painkillers even when they have not lifted a finger at all. Then comes the creative sniffing of petrol/diesel fumes, sniffing of drainage dregs, and the sniffing of cocaine. Come on people, are you not scared?

Now comes in the cankerworm of Legalized Gambling. I used to remember people pointing at other old people who look as if they have wasted their lives and singling out “pool” as the sole reason why they were never-do-wells. Gambling used to be a vice meant for the demon-possessed and the cursed, but now, it is for everyone. From Government-floated gambling medium like “Lagos Lotto”, to private ones like “Baba Ijebu” to the countless sports-based ones like NairaBet, 1960Bet, Bet9ja, SportsBet, MerryBet, and any other Prefix+Bets you can think of. Gambling is in concordance with the average Nigerian love for the get-rich-quick syndrome, and people will tell you that even life itself is a risk and when nothing is ventured, nothing is gained; but not everything we term risk is actually risk, some are actually stupidity, and I believe gambling falls perfectly within that scope. I am all for one using one’s knowledge and expertise to profit oneself (is that not the only sane thing to do?), but when you think because you watch a lot of football you can always predict the happenings in the next football matches, I begin to doubt if you have not been sniffing too much of “drainage dregs”. If a lot of people actually win, the Gambling outfits would have gone into extinction; the percentage of people who actually win is infinitesimal and the probability that “e fit be u” even less infinitesimal. Gambling is meant to fleece the people of their hard-earned cash with the promise of multiplying it for them, but that promise is like a mirage that keeps shifting its position once you get close.

Honestly, I will not pretend to have solutions to the ills I have highlighted above, and thoughts on the way forward will be most-welcome from you, and while I am still waiting, let me go to Nairaland and read some more of the mumbo-jumbo; then take a walk around my neighbourhood and try to hold back the tears at young guys smoking and sniffing their lives away at every junction, while also trying not to laugh at the guys lamenting over missing the 1960Bet Jackpot of six million naira because Chelsea lost to Crystal Palace.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash

Sunday, November 17, 2013

A VIP'S EXPERIENCE AT A GVIP EVENT

Well, if I have to come back after three months of going AWOL, I might as well come back with a big bang *KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* That’s the big bang right there… Hahahaha *just kidding*
 
The Big Bang is no other thing than the masterclass of an event I was extremely lucky to have attended on the 3rd of November. It was the #ColourfulWorldOfMore Concert organized by Guinness Nigeria. My oh my, that was a Concert!!! In Nigeria, as it is in most places in the world, knowing the right people in the right places will give you access to the right things at the right time…  all I am saying is I got VIP tickets to the Concert – I am just saying, bragging not intended, but if bragging achieved, all well and good. If you are into entertainment and the publicity as well as the promotion of the Concert did not make you want to kill for the tickets, you need to reassess your priorities. All media outlets (both conventional and new) were awash with the news of the “MostColourful Concert of the Year”, and every time I saw the names TuFace, DBanj, Olamide, P-Square, Ice Prince, Wizkid, Davido, Burna Boy, Phyno, Chidinma, Flavour, Waje, Tiwa Savage as on the line-up, and DJ Xclusive and DJ Neptunes on the wheels-of-steel and MC Bovi planning to crack our ribs, I knew I just had to get myself tagged, and that was exactly what I did in a VIP way *grins*

Excitedly, Wifey and I graced the occasion and it was an evening of undiluted fun sitting up there in the VIP area munching on our small chops and drinking Malta and Stout (all complimentary for VIPs if you know what I mean), and enjoying a panoramic view of the magnificent stage. Now, let us get down to the matter: the stage lightning, the giant screens, the announcement of the artistes, the ambience, the ticketing, and crowd control was simply world class. Of course, there were issues around crowd control, but that was because some people had no tickets yet they left their houses for the venue, and some people had regular tickets yet they wanted to get into the Hall through the entrance reserved for VIPs and VVIPs. Aside some people losing their phones and wallets in the pushing and shoving at the gates, of which you cannot really blame Guinness, everything else worked like clockwork.
 
Now to the reason we all went there- the Performances. If I forget to mention any of the artistes that actually performed on the night, that is because I cannot remember anything from the performance, so you cannot blame that on me. Olamide was his usual Baddo self, and the rapturous applause he got coming out on stage and later leaving the stage was attestation to the fact that he is the rave of the moment. Ice Prince had stage presence and enough hits to keep the crowd yelling all through his performance, and I believe that his performance of the “VIP” track was specially dedicated to me on the night.  Flavour, Phyno and Burna’s performances were also very energetic and they were able to sustain the tempo all through. Starboy himself was at his crowd-pleasing best, reeling out songs after songs from his list of hits. Davido was daring with his choice of a live-band, and that made his performance shaky at the beginning, but he took control later and wowed the crowd without passing up the opportunity of showing that he is the Omo Baba Olowo by promising $1000 to anyone who could dance Skelewu best. DBanj also showed why is regarded as the No1 performer among the Naija new school of artistes. His mastery of the live band was second to none, and his crowd-engagement was top-notch. His performance was arguably the best of the night. The dynamic duo better known as P-Square also gave a performance worthy of a finale thrilling the crowd with a host of hits from their repertoire, throwing in dance jigs from the simple to the complex, and engaging the crowd all through. Personally, with the artistes performing as if they were auditioning, you couldn’t have asked for more from the performances. Even the absence of TuFace Idibia could not take away from the awesomeness of the night.

Nevertheless, I felt a “colour” was out of place on the night. Before I go further, let me confess that sometimes I overthink. Overthinking is actually one of the reasons why I do not frequently post on this blog; I write, then I start questioning if it is good enough, if it will be worth the readers’ time, if it is discussing a relevant issue, if my perspective is original and sensible, if the issue has not already been dissected enough by others, if it is well written at all, if it is an improvement on previous posts or if standards have dropped, if… Actually, if there is a Club for over-thinkers, I will definitely be the face. Moreso, I work in an industry where colours are more foregrounded than the name of the company, such that “Yellow Boys” and “Green Boys” come up during meetings more than “MTN” and “GLO”. So when I saw Burna Boy donning a light blue blazers and WizKid decked in a light blue two-piece suit at a “Guinness” concert, my alarm just went off beeping “NOT RIGHT! NOT RIGHT!! NOT RIGHT!!!” To put this into better perspective, Guinness Nigeria’s major competitor in the Alcoholic Beverages Industry (and that is a helluva competitive industry) is “Nigerian Breweries” whose dominant colour is “light blue”, and when you consider that WizKid has made a track (Let’s Get The Party STARted) together with some other Nigerian artistes for the promotion of Star Lager (Nigerian Breweries’ flagship brand), you might start seeing a conspiracy. Of course, artistes are independent entertainers who peddle their talents to whoever has the means to meet their demands, but there are also standards that should be upheld because it is a trade, sometimes the artistes do not know, so it is up to organisers to intimate them of the least acceptable standards. Huge resources go into a public relations event like that concert and it had to be milked for all the benefits therein, allowing artistes who are also on the payroll of a competitor wear a competitor’s colour to your event is one oversight too many. But you should not forget that I hold a Ph.D in “Overthinking”, and for all it is worth I might be the only one at the Concert who noticed and attached any significance to the colour.

Seriously, I have heard some people after the Concert questioning why almost all of our artistes could not perform with a live band; as much as I share this sentiment, I would not use that yardstick as a measurement here because I am sure no one left their house for this particular concert expecting the artistes to perform with live bands. Of course, I would love to see artistes do more than miming while on stage, but I think it is hypocritical of us to demand such when Wizkid still sells more album than Beautiful Nubia, performs at more shows in Nigerian than Asa, and enjoys more airplay than Lagbaja.

Interestingly, as it is my nature to always make every experience educational, I must not end this post without sharing some of my learnings from the event - I saw some of the latest trends in fashion, I found out that any skirt/gown which is longer than 7 inches below the waist is not trendy; I also found out that any shoe which allows the wearer to walk comfortably is fashion no-no for the ladies; I equally found out that for the guys, it is not "sagging" unless the waist of the jeans is right above the knees; and finally, I found out that if you consider all these fads surprising, then you are definitely old-school. Really?! I am already old-school?!


Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!
 
Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

KISSING-AND-TELLING IN HIGH PLACES

I know! I know!! I know!!!

I did promise I would not disappear again, but I only went and reenacted my own remake of “Gone With The Wind”. I apologise again, and as my people say, it is this hill here that blocks my view of the hill over there; therefore I have put structures in place to ensure the hill over there will be bigger than the hill here to counter-balance the view-blocking, hopefully. But it has been good news all this while: between the last time I was here and now, I have become both a HUSBAND and a FATHER. That might imply I have more and bigger responsibilities, which might also mean lesser time for blogging (obviously, I have less time for blogging already), but that might also imply I have more time (finding something else to occupy my time when Wifey and Mothers have taken over the TV and the Remote), let us just wait and see. #FingersCrossed

Now to the question that jolted me out of my blogging-inertia – kissing and telling, why do people do it? Personally, I believe whatever a man and a woman do together behind closed doors, as long as it is consensual, should remain locked behind doors, I mean no one has to see or hear it. Naturally, the participants do not have to tell us, and we do not want to know; but going by Ese Walters’ piece which I have taken the creative liberty to retitle “An Epistle on Self-Inflicted Pastor Abuse”, and the visibility the said piece has been accorded in cyberspace, it seems I am the only one on the queue waiting to board the bus to “I-Dont-Care-If-You-Kiss-And-Tell-Land”.

Kidding aside, I would not have been riled if people had just left comments like “LOL”, “LOOOOOOL”, “LMFAO”, “ROTFLMAO”, etc but seeing people swallow the bait of “abuse” and hailing her like a modern day Joan d’Arc really got me pissed off. Come on folks, this babe deserves nothing but the Bradley Manning treatment. Someone please explain to me how Ese Walters was abused in that story? Don’t get me wrong please, I am wont to believe her story, partly because I consider most of the so called men of God, or are they gods of men, as frauds; and mostly because I know stuffs like that go down in many places where people dress to kill, talk to be noticed, walk to be assessed, spend to impress, and act to outdo everyone else - church atmosphere nowadays is just like a party without the alcohol and tobacco. I am not going to try and paint anyone as wrong or right in the prelude to how the two of them ended up under the sheets, but for Ese to start crying “abuse” afterwards is beyond hypocritical to me. If you have placed someone on such a pedestal that you collapse when they blow air in your face, would you not be mumbling like a baby’s toy with a bad battery when you start crying foul when they have consensual sex with you? I don’t think I need any level of grace to label Ese Walter a CHARLATAN. I am not saying Ese Walters is right or wrong; neither am I saying Biodun Fatoyinbo is wrong or right, but the word “abuse” is a blatant misnomer in that story..

More disheartening is that even in the realm of politics and the discussion of national unity, we cannot seem to escape the kiss-and-tell merchants. If I ask the pertinent question: how do we unify Nigeria? I bet the majority will mention football, music, and good governance. But according to Femi Fani-Kayode, the solution is quite simpler than that – Let us all have "long-standing and intimate relationships" (innuendo caught FFK, well done) with as many people from all the other tribes as possible; that way, we (Nigerians) would all have become detribalized. We all know one of the major problems with Nigeria is ethnicity/tribalism, and if as a public figure you are accused of being ethnocentric, I am wholly behind you when you go all out to defend yourself. Such was the case for Femi Fani-Kayode whose seldom-rational but always-scathing expositions have brought the tag of “a tribalist” on him. In refuting the tag, FFK reeled out names of three women of Igbo extraction whom he has had "long-standing and intimate relationships" with and concluded that those sexual relationships definitely exonerate him from being labelled a tribalist. I am sorry FFK, you might not be a tribalist, but you are definitely a scummy and uncouth specimen of a lesser animal than a human being. You are nothing but another idiotic kiss-and-tell goat. How could you embarrass women you had consensual sex with like that? Seriously??!! That was the only route you could ply to redemption?? Of course, he did some damage limitation by coming out with an apology; but someone really needs to plank this clown on the head; maybe his brain might be realigned and he would start thinking before talking.


I think I have ranted enough for one post. I hope to be back very soon, but just in case I disappear, you can simply assume I have taken it upon myself to embark on a journey to unify Nigeria the FFK way. I need to “know” –I mean know in the Biblical usage- at least one babe from every tribe in Nigeria. You bet that is not an easy task; from every nook to every cranny of Nigeria I need to fish out women to roll in the hay with, and by the end of my sojourn, I alone standing would have become a detribalized Nigerian and an epitome of inter-tribal unification. Someone really needs to plank my head too from the four cardinal points.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

DENUDING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

As a Language Purist, every time I see someone murder any language, especially the English Language, through spelling, tense, or pronunciation, I cringe to the bone marrow. I consider Language as an integral part of a society’s identity which reflects how much progression or retrogression you can ascribe to such a society; thus any maltreatment of the language portrays the society as wicked and heartless. You can say this again and again for Yoruba Language, my Mother-Tongue.

Eeriely, we Language Purists are becoming endangered species no thanks to the proliferation of smart devices and unending texting which has given birth to blatant ABBREVIATION and indiscriminate ACRONYMING. We could blame this on SMS limiting us to a mere 160 characters; we could blame also blame this on Twitter further reducing that to 140 characters; and we could further blame this on life becoming so fast-paced that we have to always chase after it thus having no time to type full words not to mention sentences; but I absolutely believe we got to this point due to our penchance for taking everything to the extreme. Abbreviation and Acronyming are acceptable word-formation processes, but when we consistently abbreviate whole sentences, it beggars commonsense and comprehensibility.

I know some of us will never write or speak this way, but most people we relate with write and speak this way now, so we have to also familiarize ourselves with them so we do not look like Villagers at a Comic-Con with everyone writing and speaking Klingon and we looking like we have just died and gone to Hell. Here are a few of these unavoidable aberrations, note that the list is inexhaustible, and like deadly bacteria, they multiply fast:


2U2 = To You, Too
AAMOF = As A Matter Of Fact
AFAIK = As Far As I Know
AFAIC = As Far As I'm Concerned
AFAICT = As Far As I Can Tell
AFK = Away From Keyboard
ASAP = As Soon As Possible
BAK = Back At Keyboard
BBL = Be Back Later
BITMT = But In The Meantime
BOT = Back On Topic
BRB = Be Right Back
BTW = By The way
C4N = Ciao For Now
CRS = Can't Remember Stuff
CU = See You
CUL(8R) = See You Later
CWOT = Complete Waste Of Time
CYA = See Ya
DITYID = Did I Tell You I'm Distressed?
DIY = Do It Yourself
EOD = End Of Discussion
EZ = Easy
F2F = Face To Face
FAQ = Frequently Asked Questions
FBOW = For Better Or Worse
FOAF = Friend Of A Friend
FOCL = Falling Off Chair Laughing
FWIW = For What It's Worth
FYA = For Your Amusement
FYI = For Your Information
GA = Go Ahead
GAL = Get A Life
GBTW = Get Back To Work
GFC = Going For Coffee
GFETE = Grinning From Ear To Ear
GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike
GR&D = Grinning, Running & Ducking
GTG = Got To Go
GTGTTBR = Got To Go To The Bathroom
GTRM = Going To Read Mail
HAND = Have A Nice Day
HBD = Happy Birthday
HHOK = Ha Ha Only Kidding
HTH = Hope This Helps
IAC = In Any Case
IAE = In Any Event
IC = I See
IDGAF = I Don’t Give A Fuck
IDGI = I Don't Get It
IJN = In Jesus Name
IMCO = In My Considered Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO = In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO = In My Opinion
IMPE = In My Previous/Personal Experience
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
IOTTMCO = Intuitively Obvious To The Most Casual Observer
IOW = In Other Words
IRL = In Real Life
ISP = Internet Service Provider
IYKWIM = If You Know What I Mean
JIC = Just In Case
JK = Just Kidding
KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid
L8TR = Later
LD = Later Dude
LLNP = Long Life And Prosperity
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
LTNS = Long Time No See
MorF = Male or Female
MTCW = My Two Cents Worth
NRN = No Reply Necessary
ONNA = Oh No, Not Again
OOMF= One Of My Followers
OTOH = On The Other Hand
OTTOMH = Off The Top Of My Head
OIC = Oh I See
OTF = On The Floor
OLL = Online Love
PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PLS = Please
PU = That Stinks!
REHI = Hello Again (re-Hi!)
ROFL = Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF = Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL = Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Out
RSN = Real Soon Now
RTDox = Read The Documentation/Directions
RTFM = Read The Fricking Manual
RUOK = Are You OK?
SNAFU = Situation Normal; All Fouled Up
SO = Significant Other
SOL = Smiling Out Loud (or You're Out of Luck)
TANSTAAFL = There Ain?t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TAFN = That's All For Now
TBH = To Be Honest
TEOTWAWKI= The End Of The World As We Know It
THX = Thanks
TIA = Thanks In Advance
TLK2UL8R = Talk to you later
TMK = To My Knowledge
TOS = Terms Of Service
TPTB = The Powers That Be
TSWC = Tell Someone Who Cares
TTBOMK = To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN = Ta-Ta For Now
TTYL(8R) = Talk To You Later
TWIMC = To Whom It May Concern
TWMA = Till We Meet Again
TXS = Thanks
URL = Web Page Address
WB = Welcome Back
W/O = Without
WRT = With Regard To
WTG = Way To Go
WU? = What's Up?
WWW = World Wide Web
WYSIWYG = What You See Is What You Get
XOXO = Lots of Kisses
YGIAGAM = Your Guess Is As Good As Mine
YGWYPF = You Get What You Pay For
YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary
ZZZ = Sleeping


Going by the words of Samuel Johnson - “Language is the dress of thought” - obviously, we have stripped ours down to its underpants. Hopefully, we will realise at this point that we have gone too far and make a detour or better still, a perfect u-turn...else our kids will grow up thinking they speak English while the whole world looks on in amusement thinking we are re-enacting the biblical scene at Babel.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

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