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Showing posts with label Pun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pun. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

RIVERS OF BABYLON

It started out as a song playing in my subconscious, then I started humming it around the house and the office, then I started playing it out loud through my phone, and I had to go post the lyrics on Facebook, and now it is at the top of my “most played” playlist. I am referring to the popular Boney M song “Rivers of Babylon” which has taken over my life in the last two weeks.

As someone who likes looking for Order within Chaos, and someone who considers rationalizing phenomena as important and as necessary as breathing is to continuous existence, I have been trying to understand why this song has suddenly taken over my life at this point in time. Like all Researchers worth the title would do, I decided to start from the beginning.
Boney M, I am sure have rights to the song, but the original writer of the lyrics is King David aka The Psalmist, the man whose favoured instrument was the Harp, and who has one hundred and fifty curated singles to his credit among which are the popular “The Earth Is The Lord’s And The Fullness Thereof”, “He That Dwelleth In The Secret Place Of The Most High”, “I Will Lift Up My Head To The Mountains High” and the seminal “The Lord Is My Shepherd”. The lyrics to the song could be found in the first four verses of Psalms 137 and the last verse of Psalm 90. However, I am still not close to finding an answer to the question - Why does the song keep ringing in my head?

To answer this question, I had to summon my inner Bertrand, Descartes, Nietsche, Kierkegaard, Kant, Freud, Orwell, Marx, and Awolowo; and ask series of questions about Life, Living, Existence, Afterlife, Happiness, Purpose, Fate, Choice, Spirituality, Love, and a whole lot of other concepts. Suffice to say I did a lot of thinking, probably became enlightened a little more, definitely got a bit more confused, but with a better understanding of why the song has been ringing in my head.

I believe the song is a summation of the state of humans in the present world, a world where divisions are being accentuated, where bigotry and hate are being encouraged, where diseases keep finding ways to morph, where wars have become the norm, where poverty and hunger keep growing exponentially, and where humans seem incapable of providing far-reaching and long-lasting solutions.

This world is not our home as we love it, this must be a captive colony of the wicked, this is Babylon, our home is in Zion; but we are here and we are expected to be happy and show love to everyone, but how do we continue to be happy and loving when sadness permeates everywhere? How do we continue to be model human beings when that represents the exception at the moment? As it stands, when we cannot fathom a way out of the pervasive quagmire, we turn to the Most High and offer supplications and hope He will accept and prepare a place for us somewhere else, a place far better, peaceful, and inspiring than this Babylon.

The song represents my conscious cum subconscious view of the state of the world at the moment – disillusionment, shame, and hopelessness.


I am not giving up though. I believe we can still salvage the world. Believing is a start, isn’t it?

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Sunday, June 1, 2014

LETTER TO WENGER 01

Dear Arsene,

It is with joy unbridled and happiness unlimited that I received the news that you have appended your scrawly signature to a new three-year contract, and you will be at the helms of the football affairs of The Arsenal till 2017, and probably beyond, because your style and the vision of Stan Kroenke fit like a mortise to a tenon. I have nurtured the dream of writing you this letter for a very long time, but I needed to be sure you were not ditching the Emirates, because it would be pointless writing to you about a future you had no interest to feature in. As a Gooner for the better part of 16 years, you have been the only Manager I know at my beloved Arsenal, and the thought of another Manager sitting in the front row of the Home Bench at The Emirates still looks hazy to me at the moment.

Actually, I have waited so long to write this letter, but not as long as I have waited to enjoy the kind of feeling I had on Saturday 17th of May when I saw players in Red and White with Victoria Concordia Crescit crested on their badge lifting the FA Cup Trophy aloft in sheer joy and ecstasy. That feeling has been missing for the better part of nine years, and now that it is back, I want it every season like it used to be in the first seven years of my fanship. This is the reason I am writing this open letter to you Le Professeur.
Honestly, Arsenal Football Club will always be grateful to you for what you have done for the Club both on and off the field. You brought your cosmopolitan ways to Arsenal and changed the Club to a consistent contender and a serial winner. Off the field - a new training facility, a new fitness regime, a new diet plan, a lure for continental players, and a new stadium to cap them all were all your ideas. And on the pitch, you ensured the Club remained competitive during years of lean finances despite the infiltration of the English game by filthy money from Russia and later from UAE. Only a fool, like that loquacious creep working for that emotionless Russian Mafioso, will question your position in Club Football. You are one of the few good men remaining in football, but in this age and time, character and attitude off the pitch count for little, only success on the pitch count for much. Moreover, your Legacy, though indubitable in the Arsenal Folklore, will be driven by the Media from the perspective of years of drought; you know bad news is what sells the most.

Objectively, I did understand those periods of lean finances, and unlike that Twitter-follower-whoring, incompetent-at-journalism, BOOM-shouting-only-when-we-score twat, I defended your actions and decisions everywhere I could; but that is now water under the bridge and I want a squad that can stand toe-to-toe with any squad in Europe. At the moment, we have a Very Good Squad but we need at least four more players to turn it into a Great Squad - a competent back-up Goalkeeper, a versatile Centre Back, a Young-Rugged-Skilful Defensive Midfielder, and a Ruthless Striker (an upgrade on Giroud). Let me add that if Vermalaen does leave, we need two Centre Backs considering Sagna, our deendable emergency Centre-Back, will also leave. Being a shrewd spotter of talent, I trust you to buy some known quality or unearth some diamonds in the dirt. Next season, Arsenal will be Challenging, not just Participating, in Four Competitions, therefore, we need a big squad with Depth and Quality. All round quality is what keeps a team together, Fabregas departure to Barcelona was predicated on the dearth of quality in the squad he captained – Almunia in Goal, Senderos at Centre-Back, Song in Central Midfield, and Adebayor as centre Forward - I still get those nightmares occasionally and I tell you, only consistent trophies can fully bring an end to this torture.

In the same vein, a little bit of ruthlessness is needed to have a committed squad. In this age where the average footballer earns far better than Medical Doctors, the least they could do is give consistent committed performances. Any player who could not prove his worth in two seasons should be let go. Being a Father-Figure is all good, but you know not all sons are reliable. Most Professional Footballers are not sons to be groomed and molded into better human beings, they are mercenaries selling their expertise to the highest bidder. They rarely buy into any plan that does not involve them getting hundreds of thousands of Pounds at the end of every week. I know you have hope in human nature, and you believe no one is beyond redemption, but we feel serious hurt when a bumblebee like Song plays well for a season and hurtles off to Barcelona, or the inconsistent Nasri bounced off to Manchester City after a decent half-season, or the sicknote Van Persie ran-off to Manchester United after a fantastic eighteen months which were preceded by six years of being consistently knackered, six years when you always left his space open in the squad to the detriment of the team’s attacking abilities. I know we consider ourselves classy, and we stand by our players in their time of needs, but it is tedious when all we as fans could brag about is Class. Moreover, do players respect Class? Of course, the little boy inside Van Persie does not, neither does the mature hipster inside Alex Song, neither does the mediocre ogre inside Adebayor, nor does the ugly cunt inside Nasri.

On a lighter note, now that you have steered us through the stormy waters of austerity and we have gazillions of cash available to improve the Squad a la all the Partnerships, I hope I can safely assume we will not be seeing signings like the Almunias, the Cygans, the Silvestres, the Andre Santos, the Parks, and the Bendtners who as a butterfly considered himself an eagle; and let me just put it out there, I will buy your autobiography, just solely because I want to know what the signing of Park Chu Young was really all about. As a realist, I know we will not be making signings like Ozil every transfer window, but at least we can add players from the top of the crop or maybe the layer directly below the top, not scraping the base of the bushel as in windows past.

Le Professeur, you lead the famous Gunners with Canons crested on their chests, and we the Gooners have been Loyal (unlike Chris Brown’s Babes), now is the time to bring the Glory Days back! Make the Owners match their Words with Actions! Build a Formidable Squad! Let us bring Victoria Concordia Crescit into play once again! Let The Arsenal become the undisputed Pride of London! Let “Come On You Gunners” not sound hollow and shallow again! Let Trophyless Seasons become Ancient History! And Let Gooners across the Globe regain their Pride of Place in the Court of Bragging Rights!


SirRash (A Gunner to the Bone Marrow)

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi
Google+: Rasheed Adewusi

Sunday, November 17, 2013

A VIP'S EXPERIENCE AT A GVIP EVENT

Well, if I have to come back after three months of going AWOL, I might as well come back with a big bang *KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* That’s the big bang right there… Hahahaha *just kidding*
 
The Big Bang is no other thing than the masterclass of an event I was extremely lucky to have attended on the 3rd of November. It was the #ColourfulWorldOfMore Concert organized by Guinness Nigeria. My oh my, that was a Concert!!! In Nigeria, as it is in most places in the world, knowing the right people in the right places will give you access to the right things at the right time…  all I am saying is I got VIP tickets to the Concert – I am just saying, bragging not intended, but if bragging achieved, all well and good. If you are into entertainment and the publicity as well as the promotion of the Concert did not make you want to kill for the tickets, you need to reassess your priorities. All media outlets (both conventional and new) were awash with the news of the “MostColourful Concert of the Year”, and every time I saw the names TuFace, DBanj, Olamide, P-Square, Ice Prince, Wizkid, Davido, Burna Boy, Phyno, Chidinma, Flavour, Waje, Tiwa Savage as on the line-up, and DJ Xclusive and DJ Neptunes on the wheels-of-steel and MC Bovi planning to crack our ribs, I knew I just had to get myself tagged, and that was exactly what I did in a VIP way *grins*

Excitedly, Wifey and I graced the occasion and it was an evening of undiluted fun sitting up there in the VIP area munching on our small chops and drinking Malta and Stout (all complimentary for VIPs if you know what I mean), and enjoying a panoramic view of the magnificent stage. Now, let us get down to the matter: the stage lightning, the giant screens, the announcement of the artistes, the ambience, the ticketing, and crowd control was simply world class. Of course, there were issues around crowd control, but that was because some people had no tickets yet they left their houses for the venue, and some people had regular tickets yet they wanted to get into the Hall through the entrance reserved for VIPs and VVIPs. Aside some people losing their phones and wallets in the pushing and shoving at the gates, of which you cannot really blame Guinness, everything else worked like clockwork.
 
Now to the reason we all went there- the Performances. If I forget to mention any of the artistes that actually performed on the night, that is because I cannot remember anything from the performance, so you cannot blame that on me. Olamide was his usual Baddo self, and the rapturous applause he got coming out on stage and later leaving the stage was attestation to the fact that he is the rave of the moment. Ice Prince had stage presence and enough hits to keep the crowd yelling all through his performance, and I believe that his performance of the “VIP” track was specially dedicated to me on the night.  Flavour, Phyno and Burna’s performances were also very energetic and they were able to sustain the tempo all through. Starboy himself was at his crowd-pleasing best, reeling out songs after songs from his list of hits. Davido was daring with his choice of a live-band, and that made his performance shaky at the beginning, but he took control later and wowed the crowd without passing up the opportunity of showing that he is the Omo Baba Olowo by promising $1000 to anyone who could dance Skelewu best. DBanj also showed why is regarded as the No1 performer among the Naija new school of artistes. His mastery of the live band was second to none, and his crowd-engagement was top-notch. His performance was arguably the best of the night. The dynamic duo better known as P-Square also gave a performance worthy of a finale thrilling the crowd with a host of hits from their repertoire, throwing in dance jigs from the simple to the complex, and engaging the crowd all through. Personally, with the artistes performing as if they were auditioning, you couldn’t have asked for more from the performances. Even the absence of TuFace Idibia could not take away from the awesomeness of the night.

Nevertheless, I felt a “colour” was out of place on the night. Before I go further, let me confess that sometimes I overthink. Overthinking is actually one of the reasons why I do not frequently post on this blog; I write, then I start questioning if it is good enough, if it will be worth the readers’ time, if it is discussing a relevant issue, if my perspective is original and sensible, if the issue has not already been dissected enough by others, if it is well written at all, if it is an improvement on previous posts or if standards have dropped, if… Actually, if there is a Club for over-thinkers, I will definitely be the face. Moreso, I work in an industry where colours are more foregrounded than the name of the company, such that “Yellow Boys” and “Green Boys” come up during meetings more than “MTN” and “GLO”. So when I saw Burna Boy donning a light blue blazers and WizKid decked in a light blue two-piece suit at a “Guinness” concert, my alarm just went off beeping “NOT RIGHT! NOT RIGHT!! NOT RIGHT!!!” To put this into better perspective, Guinness Nigeria’s major competitor in the Alcoholic Beverages Industry (and that is a helluva competitive industry) is “Nigerian Breweries” whose dominant colour is “light blue”, and when you consider that WizKid has made a track (Let’s Get The Party STARted) together with some other Nigerian artistes for the promotion of Star Lager (Nigerian Breweries’ flagship brand), you might start seeing a conspiracy. Of course, artistes are independent entertainers who peddle their talents to whoever has the means to meet their demands, but there are also standards that should be upheld because it is a trade, sometimes the artistes do not know, so it is up to organisers to intimate them of the least acceptable standards. Huge resources go into a public relations event like that concert and it had to be milked for all the benefits therein, allowing artistes who are also on the payroll of a competitor wear a competitor’s colour to your event is one oversight too many. But you should not forget that I hold a Ph.D in “Overthinking”, and for all it is worth I might be the only one at the Concert who noticed and attached any significance to the colour.

Seriously, I have heard some people after the Concert questioning why almost all of our artistes could not perform with a live band; as much as I share this sentiment, I would not use that yardstick as a measurement here because I am sure no one left their house for this particular concert expecting the artistes to perform with live bands. Of course, I would love to see artistes do more than miming while on stage, but I think it is hypocritical of us to demand such when Wizkid still sells more album than Beautiful Nubia, performs at more shows in Nigerian than Asa, and enjoys more airplay than Lagbaja.

Interestingly, as it is my nature to always make every experience educational, I must not end this post without sharing some of my learnings from the event - I saw some of the latest trends in fashion, I found out that any skirt/gown which is longer than 7 inches below the waist is not trendy; I also found out that any shoe which allows the wearer to walk comfortably is fashion no-no for the ladies; I equally found out that for the guys, it is not "sagging" unless the waist of the jeans is right above the knees; and finally, I found out that if you consider all these fads surprising, then you are definitely old-school. Really?! I am already old-school?!


Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!
 
Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

KISSING-AND-TELLING IN HIGH PLACES

I know! I know!! I know!!!

I did promise I would not disappear again, but I only went and reenacted my own remake of “Gone With The Wind”. I apologise again, and as my people say, it is this hill here that blocks my view of the hill over there; therefore I have put structures in place to ensure the hill over there will be bigger than the hill here to counter-balance the view-blocking, hopefully. But it has been good news all this while: between the last time I was here and now, I have become both a HUSBAND and a FATHER. That might imply I have more and bigger responsibilities, which might also mean lesser time for blogging (obviously, I have less time for blogging already), but that might also imply I have more time (finding something else to occupy my time when Wifey and Mothers have taken over the TV and the Remote), let us just wait and see. #FingersCrossed

Now to the question that jolted me out of my blogging-inertia – kissing and telling, why do people do it? Personally, I believe whatever a man and a woman do together behind closed doors, as long as it is consensual, should remain locked behind doors, I mean no one has to see or hear it. Naturally, the participants do not have to tell us, and we do not want to know; but going by Ese Walters’ piece which I have taken the creative liberty to retitle “An Epistle on Self-Inflicted Pastor Abuse”, and the visibility the said piece has been accorded in cyberspace, it seems I am the only one on the queue waiting to board the bus to “I-Dont-Care-If-You-Kiss-And-Tell-Land”.

Kidding aside, I would not have been riled if people had just left comments like “LOL”, “LOOOOOOL”, “LMFAO”, “ROTFLMAO”, etc but seeing people swallow the bait of “abuse” and hailing her like a modern day Joan d’Arc really got me pissed off. Come on folks, this babe deserves nothing but the Bradley Manning treatment. Someone please explain to me how Ese Walters was abused in that story? Don’t get me wrong please, I am wont to believe her story, partly because I consider most of the so called men of God, or are they gods of men, as frauds; and mostly because I know stuffs like that go down in many places where people dress to kill, talk to be noticed, walk to be assessed, spend to impress, and act to outdo everyone else - church atmosphere nowadays is just like a party without the alcohol and tobacco. I am not going to try and paint anyone as wrong or right in the prelude to how the two of them ended up under the sheets, but for Ese to start crying “abuse” afterwards is beyond hypocritical to me. If you have placed someone on such a pedestal that you collapse when they blow air in your face, would you not be mumbling like a baby’s toy with a bad battery when you start crying foul when they have consensual sex with you? I don’t think I need any level of grace to label Ese Walter a CHARLATAN. I am not saying Ese Walters is right or wrong; neither am I saying Biodun Fatoyinbo is wrong or right, but the word “abuse” is a blatant misnomer in that story..

More disheartening is that even in the realm of politics and the discussion of national unity, we cannot seem to escape the kiss-and-tell merchants. If I ask the pertinent question: how do we unify Nigeria? I bet the majority will mention football, music, and good governance. But according to Femi Fani-Kayode, the solution is quite simpler than that – Let us all have "long-standing and intimate relationships" (innuendo caught FFK, well done) with as many people from all the other tribes as possible; that way, we (Nigerians) would all have become detribalized. We all know one of the major problems with Nigeria is ethnicity/tribalism, and if as a public figure you are accused of being ethnocentric, I am wholly behind you when you go all out to defend yourself. Such was the case for Femi Fani-Kayode whose seldom-rational but always-scathing expositions have brought the tag of “a tribalist” on him. In refuting the tag, FFK reeled out names of three women of Igbo extraction whom he has had "long-standing and intimate relationships" with and concluded that those sexual relationships definitely exonerate him from being labelled a tribalist. I am sorry FFK, you might not be a tribalist, but you are definitely a scummy and uncouth specimen of a lesser animal than a human being. You are nothing but another idiotic kiss-and-tell goat. How could you embarrass women you had consensual sex with like that? Seriously??!! That was the only route you could ply to redemption?? Of course, he did some damage limitation by coming out with an apology; but someone really needs to plank this clown on the head; maybe his brain might be realigned and he would start thinking before talking.


I think I have ranted enough for one post. I hope to be back very soon, but just in case I disappear, you can simply assume I have taken it upon myself to embark on a journey to unify Nigeria the FFK way. I need to “know” –I mean know in the Biblical usage- at least one babe from every tribe in Nigeria. You bet that is not an easy task; from every nook to every cranny of Nigeria I need to fish out women to roll in the hay with, and by the end of my sojourn, I alone standing would have become a detribalized Nigerian and an epitome of inter-tribal unification. Someone really needs to plank my head too from the four cardinal points.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

TO GOOGLE IS HUMAN


By ‘Sola Fagorusi

Until 2001, the word Google meant nothing. Today, it is both a noun and a verb. My computer does not underline it as a spelling error. The only remotely close words to it – goggle and goggles means to stare wide-eyed and a protective eye glass respectively. There is almost nothing that Google can’t search out. It’s intriguing the even the word Google can be Googled! Google has conquered all facets of our internet lives. It is the kingpin of the new media family. Anyone today who uses the internet would have contact with one or several of Google products.

The list grows a little less fast than weeds! Chrome browser, Google Calender, Google News, Google Maps, YouTube, Blogger, Picasa, Google+, Google Alerts, Google Scholar, Google Groups, Google Trader, Gmail, Google Hangouts, Google drive and others. The search engine which was Google’s first product and which conferred name on the company, is the world’s most patronised. The King of the internet is fast swallowing space in the technology sphere having its hands in all pies. Students and researchers would remain indebted to this tool that has changed the face of scholarship.

Google, the company, today has web based products, operating systems like the Android for Smart phones, hardware like the Nexus, desktop applications like the Google toolbar and also mobile applications. Given the huge meta-data that Google has to deal with on regular basis, it is today the biggest server company in the world. With cloud technology catching up heavily on use now, this title may hold for a very long time. Also trail blazing by Google is the Google Glass, one of the most clairvoyant and far reaching advances in the new media age. It is one of the few technologies merging strongly the activities of humans and computers and it is currently on a lone journey with no known competitor – at least known to the public.

Off the record, Google is my best friend and I love the Google Doodles. Checking them out has become more of a passive obsession. Trying to imagine what the next one would be is also a game in itself. Then Google dedicated its doodle last year to the victims of Nigeria’s Dana Air Flight 992 June 3rd2012 crash in an empathetic public relations stunt. It is rational to ask if our over-dependence on Google would not come at a cost some day. With Google as a form of transactional memory which we rely on when the need is at hand, is the human brain not becoming redundant? But then, there’s also the argument that the brain now has access to more information in lesser time than it used to previously. It is also not just about the memory, there’s also the issue of refusing to keep our hard disks and memories chips busy with information storage for later use when we are sure that all we need do is Google it when next we need it. Humanity can only hope that the internet and Google holds for as long as humans exist. To Google is human after all and possible not to Google is silly! Google is human’s all-knowing and knowledgeable oracle. Definitely more powerful than Paul the Octopus!

Soon, I pre-empt that Google would be named the Parent of the Year! Young people would seem to find their answers to life and living through Google. Except you refuse to ask, that is only when Google would refuse to tell. The easy access to the internet would mean easy access to Google as well. In well developed environments, it would no longer count to know the address and location of a friend’s place again as long as the friend can email or text the address to you. Google Map would do the ‘magic’. May the day we can’t Google again never come!

Google is equally a sound test of fame. Does Google know you? If you attempt to search your name and it auto fills, then the answer is yes. The very popular and addictive website has become man’s most prominent artificial intelligence amplifying the human cause and worth.  Like every other growing organisation, it has also had it shares of failed products and discontinued ones. Google Buzz and more recently Google Reader which was discontinued on July 1st, 2013 are some of the over 80 products. A number of them have been harmonised and formed into another product and a couple of others have simply been rested in Google’s rich graveyard. Knowing when to do this is one of Google’s strengths. Altavista which used to be a rival to Google at conception has faded away. Others like Bing, MSN, Lycos, Excite and Yahoo Search struggle to survive under the domineering shadow of Google the search engine. Google, like other web platforms have had a number of glitches and reverted quickly and given Microsoft’s Internet explorer a run for its money with Google Chrome.

Google has helped reduce unemployment in Nigeria and around the world. Anyone today, irrespective of age can develop an android based app, put it up on Google Play and earn from the downloads. Young people can also today put up blogs and sites and earn from their contents when Google AdSense starts sending adverts their way. Its imprints in Nigeria is also bold especially with the .ng extension allowing for platforms like Google Trader which allows people list their products and services for free in localised ways. In addition, it has also saved advertisement cost for companies. Google is responsible for the upward surge in online advert patronage through her effective system, knowing from the backend exactly who wants what.

Google’s Chairman Eric Schmidt posits that Google's aspiration ‘is to be your assistant, to know what you don't know and to get that information to you in whatever way it is quickest.’ Founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin while still PhD students at Stanford University, it was initially called ‘Backrub’. The domain name www.google.com was registered in 1997 while Google as a company came to be in 1998. By 2012, the company was already declaring annual revenue of about $50 billion mainly through Google AdWords with monthly unique visitor of over 1 billion.

Already, 39% of the world’s population have internet access and it is predicted that internet business will grow 10 times in the next three years. Google will have a part to play in this and a commensurate profit share as well.

And if you need to read this article a couple of years from now – Google it!

@SolaFagro on Twitter 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

DENUDING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

As a Language Purist, every time I see someone murder any language, especially the English Language, through spelling, tense, or pronunciation, I cringe to the bone marrow. I consider Language as an integral part of a society’s identity which reflects how much progression or retrogression you can ascribe to such a society; thus any maltreatment of the language portrays the society as wicked and heartless. You can say this again and again for Yoruba Language, my Mother-Tongue.

Eeriely, we Language Purists are becoming endangered species no thanks to the proliferation of smart devices and unending texting which has given birth to blatant ABBREVIATION and indiscriminate ACRONYMING. We could blame this on SMS limiting us to a mere 160 characters; we could blame also blame this on Twitter further reducing that to 140 characters; and we could further blame this on life becoming so fast-paced that we have to always chase after it thus having no time to type full words not to mention sentences; but I absolutely believe we got to this point due to our penchance for taking everything to the extreme. Abbreviation and Acronyming are acceptable word-formation processes, but when we consistently abbreviate whole sentences, it beggars commonsense and comprehensibility.

I know some of us will never write or speak this way, but most people we relate with write and speak this way now, so we have to also familiarize ourselves with them so we do not look like Villagers at a Comic-Con with everyone writing and speaking Klingon and we looking like we have just died and gone to Hell. Here are a few of these unavoidable aberrations, note that the list is inexhaustible, and like deadly bacteria, they multiply fast:


2U2 = To You, Too
AAMOF = As A Matter Of Fact
AFAIK = As Far As I Know
AFAIC = As Far As I'm Concerned
AFAICT = As Far As I Can Tell
AFK = Away From Keyboard
ASAP = As Soon As Possible
BAK = Back At Keyboard
BBL = Be Back Later
BITMT = But In The Meantime
BOT = Back On Topic
BRB = Be Right Back
BTW = By The way
C4N = Ciao For Now
CRS = Can't Remember Stuff
CU = See You
CUL(8R) = See You Later
CWOT = Complete Waste Of Time
CYA = See Ya
DITYID = Did I Tell You I'm Distressed?
DIY = Do It Yourself
EOD = End Of Discussion
EZ = Easy
F2F = Face To Face
FAQ = Frequently Asked Questions
FBOW = For Better Or Worse
FOAF = Friend Of A Friend
FOCL = Falling Off Chair Laughing
FWIW = For What It's Worth
FYA = For Your Amusement
FYI = For Your Information
GA = Go Ahead
GAL = Get A Life
GBTW = Get Back To Work
GFC = Going For Coffee
GFETE = Grinning From Ear To Ear
GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike
GR&D = Grinning, Running & Ducking
GTG = Got To Go
GTGTTBR = Got To Go To The Bathroom
GTRM = Going To Read Mail
HAND = Have A Nice Day
HBD = Happy Birthday
HHOK = Ha Ha Only Kidding
HTH = Hope This Helps
IAC = In Any Case
IAE = In Any Event
IC = I See
IDGAF = I Don’t Give A Fuck
IDGI = I Don't Get It
IJN = In Jesus Name
IMCO = In My Considered Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO = In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO = In My Opinion
IMPE = In My Previous/Personal Experience
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
IOTTMCO = Intuitively Obvious To The Most Casual Observer
IOW = In Other Words
IRL = In Real Life
ISP = Internet Service Provider
IYKWIM = If You Know What I Mean
JIC = Just In Case
JK = Just Kidding
KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid
L8TR = Later
LD = Later Dude
LLNP = Long Life And Prosperity
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
LTNS = Long Time No See
MorF = Male or Female
MTCW = My Two Cents Worth
NRN = No Reply Necessary
ONNA = Oh No, Not Again
OOMF= One Of My Followers
OTOH = On The Other Hand
OTTOMH = Off The Top Of My Head
OIC = Oh I See
OTF = On The Floor
OLL = Online Love
PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PLS = Please
PU = That Stinks!
REHI = Hello Again (re-Hi!)
ROFL = Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF = Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL = Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Out
RSN = Real Soon Now
RTDox = Read The Documentation/Directions
RTFM = Read The Fricking Manual
RUOK = Are You OK?
SNAFU = Situation Normal; All Fouled Up
SO = Significant Other
SOL = Smiling Out Loud (or You're Out of Luck)
TANSTAAFL = There Ain?t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TAFN = That's All For Now
TBH = To Be Honest
TEOTWAWKI= The End Of The World As We Know It
THX = Thanks
TIA = Thanks In Advance
TLK2UL8R = Talk to you later
TMK = To My Knowledge
TOS = Terms Of Service
TPTB = The Powers That Be
TSWC = Tell Someone Who Cares
TTBOMK = To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN = Ta-Ta For Now
TTYL(8R) = Talk To You Later
TWIMC = To Whom It May Concern
TWMA = Till We Meet Again
TXS = Thanks
URL = Web Page Address
WB = Welcome Back
W/O = Without
WRT = With Regard To
WTG = Way To Go
WU? = What's Up?
WWW = World Wide Web
WYSIWYG = What You See Is What You Get
XOXO = Lots of Kisses
YGIAGAM = Your Guess Is As Good As Mine
YGWYPF = You Get What You Pay For
YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary
ZZZ = Sleeping


Going by the words of Samuel Johnson - “Language is the dress of thought” - obviously, we have stripped ours down to its underpants. Hopefully, we will realise at this point that we have gone too far and make a detour or better still, a perfect u-turn...else our kids will grow up thinking they speak English while the whole world looks on in amusement thinking we are re-enacting the biblical scene at Babel.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Sunday, May 12, 2013

THE HORSETAIL


Literally, the easiest thing in Nigeria of today is to write about the myriad of ills persistently afflicting the nation. Presently, the Baga Massacre, the Nassarawa-Eggon Bloodshed; and Asari-Dokubo's Interview are events that would make you lose total hope in Nigeria, Humans, or Life in general. These events have been megaphoned in the Traditional Media and analysed cum dissected on Cyberspace; bringing it up again would be like flogging a dead horse.

But should I just pretend these didn’t happen and go ahead writing about other funny stuffs in a funny way? I decided not to ignore this festering wound, but to approach it from another angle. Hope you enjoy my poem.


THE HORSETAIL
Life is a mirage, a fleeting illusion.
A road paved with thorns and hedged with nettles.
An empty barrel full of if-onlys.



Life is a terrible bully.
An ogre fond of devastation and destruction.
A basilisk eager to cause cries and despair.
A devil beating, battering, and bruising.

Life is a lengthy sad drama
Staged by a reluctant cast
Embellished with cacophonous elegy and dirge
Of which happiness is just an interlude
But never the essence.

Life, become anything you wish to:
An abyss, a dungeon or even hell,
Or worse still Dante's inferno.
But just one thing We am sure of:
As the Horsetail is cut out for Honour;
So are We destined for Greatness.











Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Saturday, January 5, 2013

RESUSCITATION A LA RESOLUTION, REMINISCENCE, AND REINVIGORATION



Howdy!!! Happy New Year!!! May this Year be the Best of Our Lives so Far!!!

It has been a while since we met on these hallowed pages. My going AWOL is neither pity-inducing nor tears-welcoming, it is something largely owing to procrastination, but I would rather leave that discussion for another day. Anyway, this is the beginning of a new year when resolutions are still standing strong and sturdy, thus the penning of this post. One of my New Year resolutions is to always ensure at least one post a week on this blog and I fervently hope this resolution will not go the way of my resolution to abstain from porn, back when I was 22-years-old; it usually took me up to the flipping of the calendar to February to backslide, only to come back the following year with the same resolution. Suffice to say I eventually overcame that addiction when I was 25 when I realized the movies were anything but educational. Since I could actually do better than the actors in the movies; I promptly gave up watching and intensified acting my own movies, albeit behind closed doors (most of the time) and in the absence of those massive lights and cameras.

Obviously, many things have changed since the last time we met here: Dame now (thinks she) looks like Kim Kardashian a la her uninterrupted two months sojourn overseas crisscrossing Germany and Dubai; Private Jets have become typical Birthday Presents a la Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor; Laptops and LED Televisions are now veritable souvenirs at Weddings a la Vice president Sambo; State Governors have become Endangered Species a la air and road mishaps; Motorcycles have become another revenue stream for the “friendly” Nigerian Police a la Lagos Traffic Laws; Barack Obama continues as the President of the USA a la Credible Elections; Nigerian Farmers now need Mobile Phones more than Funding and Fertilizer a la Minister of Agriculture Dr Adewunmi Adeshina; D’Banj flew a dozen international A-artistes to Nigeria and made Nigerians trek to see them perform a la KokoConcert; Osaze Odemwingie has deposed Charlie Sheen as the Undisputed King of Meltdowns a la Twitter Rants, DANA is busy in the air again a la Cheap Fares;… But many things have still not changed: Arsenal is still as erratic as PHCN; GEJ is still as success-assuring as seeing a blind-folded one-legged octogenarian represent your country in the 100m at the Summer Olympics; Cost of living is still skyrocketing in Lagos; Twitter Warlords are still sharing territories and protecting their domains; and I still remain my humble self.

And that leads me to the purpose of this post which is not about anything in particular as we might all have realized by now, but it is about announcing my resuscitation and providing a glimpse into what you should expect every week which is: discussion of a burning issue served as a dish of “logical analysis”, garnished with “witty statements”, and sprinkled with “humour”.  The Blog is still aptly named "Wise Wide and Wild" simply because that is what you will get from here. The topic will come as the spirit leads, as the occasion demands, or sometimes as you demand. They will range from the serious, the mundane and to the outlandish. Sometimes they will educate, sometimes they will inform, sometimes they will entertain, most times they will do the three together; I pray a time never comes when they will bore.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Twitter: @SirRash
Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

CRITIQUE, DON’T CRITICIZE!!!



Obviously, one of the latest fads is “The Art of Critiquing.” As usual, everybody is claiming to be masters at it, and all thanks to the new media, we are able to show our abilities off to a lot of people. Without sounding like a whiner, I can say this is the same the world over, at least the part of the world I have been able to have access to, most thanks to the new media also. Naturally, we all have different talents, some can write, some can sing, some can critique, and some can criticize. It would be nice if an individual focuses on their area of strength, but if I decided to sing (you will never catch me singing though, not even at a Karaoke) would it be right for anyone to analyse my performance using Asa as a benchmark? It is this blanket criticizing, disguised as critiquing, that is the crux of this post, and I am going to limit the discourse to the art of music in the land called Nigeria.



First and foremost, in critiquing an artiste’s work, while I agree the obtainable standard for what is deemed as music should be the benchmark, I strongly believe the artiste’s should also be compared to their personal self to fully do justice to the critique. An artiste who has been evolving over the course of his career should be appreciated even if they cannot rub shoulders with the industry leaders. A fitting example here is P-Square. From the Album “Last Nite” from nine years ago down to “The Invasion” which hasn’t really invaded every mind, we can actually trace an upward trajectory in what P-Square does best: sampling expansively, churning out party jams and inundating with superficial love songs. P-Square has decided that is where there strengths lie, and they have decided to stick to it and to always improve in those areas. Moreso, P-Squarenormally follows their audios with classy videos, and there has to be a huge connect between the audio, the video, and consequent live performances. They are more of all-round entertainers, and this has to be taken cognizance of. To critique P-Square’s album by benchmarking against the likes of TuFace, Darey and Sound Sultan who usually focus more on content, rather than expression, will be tantamount to sheer criticizing. Another artiste in this scenario is 9ice. From “Gongo Aso” which was 9ice’s peak through “Tradition” down to “Versus” and “Bashorun Gaa”, the depth in message, versatility in beats, wit in lyrics, and strength in voice that brought 9ice so much affection and commendation have been on the wane. But if I have to rate “Invasion” against “Bashorun Gaa” both in isolation, I will pick “Bashorun Gaa” as a better album, but if I trace the history of the two artistes, I will commend P-Squarefor a better work done because while Paul and Peter have been improving their games, 9ice has been wallowing in mediocrity.




Contextually, music as a form of art is so ubiquitous to the point where you cannot put a definite form to it. There are different genres to it and at different times, an avant-garde form might crop up serving some particular purposes. First to the mind here is TerryG who has totally disregarded coherence and logicality in lyrics thereby turning madness to an art. But the universality of music which made Nigerians, in the late 1990s and the early 2000s, to embrace Awilo Longomba’s “Coupe Bibamba” and Magic System’s “Lepa Gaou” without understanding a word of what they say also excuses TerryG’s antics in the name of music. TerryGdoes not pretend he is into making music, he is only into enunciating sounds, thus it will be unjust for anyone to critique his works based on the necessary parameters of good music. Thus, to critique such work, just consider acceptability from the target audience and let us move on. This actually applies to most of the artistes out there who are victims of self-delusion calling themselves musicians while they are more or less clowns without the costumes.

In synopsis, inasmuch as we call ourselves music connoisseurs because we have a large collection of music and we have an ear for beats and a brain to dissect the lyrics, the bitter truth is there is just so much music, there is so much to music and there is so little we can do about streamlining everything into discrete and distinct categories. The more we try to see through the eyes of the artiste, and consider as many factors as possible, the better we are at critiquing. 


Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!




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