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Showing posts with label Rhymes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rhymes. Show all posts

Sunday, June 1, 2014

LETTER TO WENGER 01

Dear Arsene,

It is with joy unbridled and happiness unlimited that I received the news that you have appended your scrawly signature to a new three-year contract, and you will be at the helms of the football affairs of The Arsenal till 2017, and probably beyond, because your style and the vision of Stan Kroenke fit like a mortise to a tenon. I have nurtured the dream of writing you this letter for a very long time, but I needed to be sure you were not ditching the Emirates, because it would be pointless writing to you about a future you had no interest to feature in. As a Gooner for the better part of 16 years, you have been the only Manager I know at my beloved Arsenal, and the thought of another Manager sitting in the front row of the Home Bench at The Emirates still looks hazy to me at the moment.

Actually, I have waited so long to write this letter, but not as long as I have waited to enjoy the kind of feeling I had on Saturday 17th of May when I saw players in Red and White with Victoria Concordia Crescit crested on their badge lifting the FA Cup Trophy aloft in sheer joy and ecstasy. That feeling has been missing for the better part of nine years, and now that it is back, I want it every season like it used to be in the first seven years of my fanship. This is the reason I am writing this open letter to you Le Professeur.
Honestly, Arsenal Football Club will always be grateful to you for what you have done for the Club both on and off the field. You brought your cosmopolitan ways to Arsenal and changed the Club to a consistent contender and a serial winner. Off the field - a new training facility, a new fitness regime, a new diet plan, a lure for continental players, and a new stadium to cap them all were all your ideas. And on the pitch, you ensured the Club remained competitive during years of lean finances despite the infiltration of the English game by filthy money from Russia and later from UAE. Only a fool, like that loquacious creep working for that emotionless Russian Mafioso, will question your position in Club Football. You are one of the few good men remaining in football, but in this age and time, character and attitude off the pitch count for little, only success on the pitch count for much. Moreover, your Legacy, though indubitable in the Arsenal Folklore, will be driven by the Media from the perspective of years of drought; you know bad news is what sells the most.

Objectively, I did understand those periods of lean finances, and unlike that Twitter-follower-whoring, incompetent-at-journalism, BOOM-shouting-only-when-we-score twat, I defended your actions and decisions everywhere I could; but that is now water under the bridge and I want a squad that can stand toe-to-toe with any squad in Europe. At the moment, we have a Very Good Squad but we need at least four more players to turn it into a Great Squad - a competent back-up Goalkeeper, a versatile Centre Back, a Young-Rugged-Skilful Defensive Midfielder, and a Ruthless Striker (an upgrade on Giroud). Let me add that if Vermalaen does leave, we need two Centre Backs considering Sagna, our deendable emergency Centre-Back, will also leave. Being a shrewd spotter of talent, I trust you to buy some known quality or unearth some diamonds in the dirt. Next season, Arsenal will be Challenging, not just Participating, in Four Competitions, therefore, we need a big squad with Depth and Quality. All round quality is what keeps a team together, Fabregas departure to Barcelona was predicated on the dearth of quality in the squad he captained – Almunia in Goal, Senderos at Centre-Back, Song in Central Midfield, and Adebayor as centre Forward - I still get those nightmares occasionally and I tell you, only consistent trophies can fully bring an end to this torture.

In the same vein, a little bit of ruthlessness is needed to have a committed squad. In this age where the average footballer earns far better than Medical Doctors, the least they could do is give consistent committed performances. Any player who could not prove his worth in two seasons should be let go. Being a Father-Figure is all good, but you know not all sons are reliable. Most Professional Footballers are not sons to be groomed and molded into better human beings, they are mercenaries selling their expertise to the highest bidder. They rarely buy into any plan that does not involve them getting hundreds of thousands of Pounds at the end of every week. I know you have hope in human nature, and you believe no one is beyond redemption, but we feel serious hurt when a bumblebee like Song plays well for a season and hurtles off to Barcelona, or the inconsistent Nasri bounced off to Manchester City after a decent half-season, or the sicknote Van Persie ran-off to Manchester United after a fantastic eighteen months which were preceded by six years of being consistently knackered, six years when you always left his space open in the squad to the detriment of the team’s attacking abilities. I know we consider ourselves classy, and we stand by our players in their time of needs, but it is tedious when all we as fans could brag about is Class. Moreover, do players respect Class? Of course, the little boy inside Van Persie does not, neither does the mature hipster inside Alex Song, neither does the mediocre ogre inside Adebayor, nor does the ugly cunt inside Nasri.

On a lighter note, now that you have steered us through the stormy waters of austerity and we have gazillions of cash available to improve the Squad a la all the Partnerships, I hope I can safely assume we will not be seeing signings like the Almunias, the Cygans, the Silvestres, the Andre Santos, the Parks, and the Bendtners who as a butterfly considered himself an eagle; and let me just put it out there, I will buy your autobiography, just solely because I want to know what the signing of Park Chu Young was really all about. As a realist, I know we will not be making signings like Ozil every transfer window, but at least we can add players from the top of the crop or maybe the layer directly below the top, not scraping the base of the bushel as in windows past.

Le Professeur, you lead the famous Gunners with Canons crested on their chests, and we the Gooners have been Loyal (unlike Chris Brown’s Babes), now is the time to bring the Glory Days back! Make the Owners match their Words with Actions! Build a Formidable Squad! Let us bring Victoria Concordia Crescit into play once again! Let The Arsenal become the undisputed Pride of London! Let “Come On You Gunners” not sound hollow and shallow again! Let Trophyless Seasons become Ancient History! And Let Gooners across the Globe regain their Pride of Place in the Court of Bragging Rights!


SirRash (A Gunner to the Bone Marrow)

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Facebook: Rasheed SirRash Adewusi
Google+: Rasheed Adewusi

Sunday, June 2, 2013

DENUDING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

As a Language Purist, every time I see someone murder any language, especially the English Language, through spelling, tense, or pronunciation, I cringe to the bone marrow. I consider Language as an integral part of a society’s identity which reflects how much progression or retrogression you can ascribe to such a society; thus any maltreatment of the language portrays the society as wicked and heartless. You can say this again and again for Yoruba Language, my Mother-Tongue.

Eeriely, we Language Purists are becoming endangered species no thanks to the proliferation of smart devices and unending texting which has given birth to blatant ABBREVIATION and indiscriminate ACRONYMING. We could blame this on SMS limiting us to a mere 160 characters; we could blame also blame this on Twitter further reducing that to 140 characters; and we could further blame this on life becoming so fast-paced that we have to always chase after it thus having no time to type full words not to mention sentences; but I absolutely believe we got to this point due to our penchance for taking everything to the extreme. Abbreviation and Acronyming are acceptable word-formation processes, but when we consistently abbreviate whole sentences, it beggars commonsense and comprehensibility.

I know some of us will never write or speak this way, but most people we relate with write and speak this way now, so we have to also familiarize ourselves with them so we do not look like Villagers at a Comic-Con with everyone writing and speaking Klingon and we looking like we have just died and gone to Hell. Here are a few of these unavoidable aberrations, note that the list is inexhaustible, and like deadly bacteria, they multiply fast:


2U2 = To You, Too
AAMOF = As A Matter Of Fact
AFAIK = As Far As I Know
AFAIC = As Far As I'm Concerned
AFAICT = As Far As I Can Tell
AFK = Away From Keyboard
ASAP = As Soon As Possible
BAK = Back At Keyboard
BBL = Be Back Later
BITMT = But In The Meantime
BOT = Back On Topic
BRB = Be Right Back
BTW = By The way
C4N = Ciao For Now
CRS = Can't Remember Stuff
CU = See You
CUL(8R) = See You Later
CWOT = Complete Waste Of Time
CYA = See Ya
DITYID = Did I Tell You I'm Distressed?
DIY = Do It Yourself
EOD = End Of Discussion
EZ = Easy
F2F = Face To Face
FAQ = Frequently Asked Questions
FBOW = For Better Or Worse
FOAF = Friend Of A Friend
FOCL = Falling Off Chair Laughing
FWIW = For What It's Worth
FYA = For Your Amusement
FYI = For Your Information
GA = Go Ahead
GAL = Get A Life
GBTW = Get Back To Work
GFC = Going For Coffee
GFETE = Grinning From Ear To Ear
GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike
GR&D = Grinning, Running & Ducking
GTG = Got To Go
GTGTTBR = Got To Go To The Bathroom
GTRM = Going To Read Mail
HAND = Have A Nice Day
HBD = Happy Birthday
HHOK = Ha Ha Only Kidding
HTH = Hope This Helps
IAC = In Any Case
IAE = In Any Event
IC = I See
IDGAF = I Don’t Give A Fuck
IDGI = I Don't Get It
IJN = In Jesus Name
IMCO = In My Considered Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO = In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO = In My Opinion
IMPE = In My Previous/Personal Experience
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
IOTTMCO = Intuitively Obvious To The Most Casual Observer
IOW = In Other Words
IRL = In Real Life
ISP = Internet Service Provider
IYKWIM = If You Know What I Mean
JIC = Just In Case
JK = Just Kidding
KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid
L8TR = Later
LD = Later Dude
LLNP = Long Life And Prosperity
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
LTNS = Long Time No See
MorF = Male or Female
MTCW = My Two Cents Worth
NRN = No Reply Necessary
ONNA = Oh No, Not Again
OOMF= One Of My Followers
OTOH = On The Other Hand
OTTOMH = Off The Top Of My Head
OIC = Oh I See
OTF = On The Floor
OLL = Online Love
PCMCIA = People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PLS = Please
PU = That Stinks!
REHI = Hello Again (re-Hi!)
ROFL = Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF = Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL = Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Out
RSN = Real Soon Now
RTDox = Read The Documentation/Directions
RTFM = Read The Fricking Manual
RUOK = Are You OK?
SNAFU = Situation Normal; All Fouled Up
SO = Significant Other
SOL = Smiling Out Loud (or You're Out of Luck)
TANSTAAFL = There Ain?t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TAFN = That's All For Now
TBH = To Be Honest
TEOTWAWKI= The End Of The World As We Know It
THX = Thanks
TIA = Thanks In Advance
TLK2UL8R = Talk to you later
TMK = To My Knowledge
TOS = Terms Of Service
TPTB = The Powers That Be
TSWC = Tell Someone Who Cares
TTBOMK = To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN = Ta-Ta For Now
TTYL(8R) = Talk To You Later
TWIMC = To Whom It May Concern
TWMA = Till We Meet Again
TXS = Thanks
URL = Web Page Address
WB = Welcome Back
W/O = Without
WRT = With Regard To
WTG = Way To Go
WU? = What's Up?
WWW = World Wide Web
WYSIWYG = What You See Is What You Get
XOXO = Lots of Kisses
YGIAGAM = Your Guess Is As Good As Mine
YGWYPF = You Get What You Pay For
YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary
ZZZ = Sleeping


Going by the words of Samuel Johnson - “Language is the dress of thought” - obviously, we have stripped ours down to its underpants. Hopefully, we will realise at this point that we have gone too far and make a detour or better still, a perfect u-turn...else our kids will grow up thinking they speak English while the whole world looks on in amusement thinking we are re-enacting the biblical scene at Babel.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Sunday, May 12, 2013

THE HORSETAIL


Literally, the easiest thing in Nigeria of today is to write about the myriad of ills persistently afflicting the nation. Presently, the Baga Massacre, the Nassarawa-Eggon Bloodshed; and Asari-Dokubo's Interview are events that would make you lose total hope in Nigeria, Humans, or Life in general. These events have been megaphoned in the Traditional Media and analysed cum dissected on Cyberspace; bringing it up again would be like flogging a dead horse.

But should I just pretend these didn’t happen and go ahead writing about other funny stuffs in a funny way? I decided not to ignore this festering wound, but to approach it from another angle. Hope you enjoy my poem.


THE HORSETAIL
Life is a mirage, a fleeting illusion.
A road paved with thorns and hedged with nettles.
An empty barrel full of if-onlys.



Life is a terrible bully.
An ogre fond of devastation and destruction.
A basilisk eager to cause cries and despair.
A devil beating, battering, and bruising.

Life is a lengthy sad drama
Staged by a reluctant cast
Embellished with cacophonous elegy and dirge
Of which happiness is just an interlude
But never the essence.

Life, become anything you wish to:
An abyss, a dungeon or even hell,
Or worse still Dante's inferno.
But just one thing We am sure of:
As the Horsetail is cut out for Honour;
So are We destined for Greatness.











Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!


Twitter: @SirRash

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

CRITIQUE, DON’T CRITICIZE!!!



Obviously, one of the latest fads is “The Art of Critiquing.” As usual, everybody is claiming to be masters at it, and all thanks to the new media, we are able to show our abilities off to a lot of people. Without sounding like a whiner, I can say this is the same the world over, at least the part of the world I have been able to have access to, most thanks to the new media also. Naturally, we all have different talents, some can write, some can sing, some can critique, and some can criticize. It would be nice if an individual focuses on their area of strength, but if I decided to sing (you will never catch me singing though, not even at a Karaoke) would it be right for anyone to analyse my performance using Asa as a benchmark? It is this blanket criticizing, disguised as critiquing, that is the crux of this post, and I am going to limit the discourse to the art of music in the land called Nigeria.



First and foremost, in critiquing an artiste’s work, while I agree the obtainable standard for what is deemed as music should be the benchmark, I strongly believe the artiste’s should also be compared to their personal self to fully do justice to the critique. An artiste who has been evolving over the course of his career should be appreciated even if they cannot rub shoulders with the industry leaders. A fitting example here is P-Square. From the Album “Last Nite” from nine years ago down to “The Invasion” which hasn’t really invaded every mind, we can actually trace an upward trajectory in what P-Square does best: sampling expansively, churning out party jams and inundating with superficial love songs. P-Square has decided that is where there strengths lie, and they have decided to stick to it and to always improve in those areas. Moreso, P-Squarenormally follows their audios with classy videos, and there has to be a huge connect between the audio, the video, and consequent live performances. They are more of all-round entertainers, and this has to be taken cognizance of. To critique P-Square’s album by benchmarking against the likes of TuFace, Darey and Sound Sultan who usually focus more on content, rather than expression, will be tantamount to sheer criticizing. Another artiste in this scenario is 9ice. From “Gongo Aso” which was 9ice’s peak through “Tradition” down to “Versus” and “Bashorun Gaa”, the depth in message, versatility in beats, wit in lyrics, and strength in voice that brought 9ice so much affection and commendation have been on the wane. But if I have to rate “Invasion” against “Bashorun Gaa” both in isolation, I will pick “Bashorun Gaa” as a better album, but if I trace the history of the two artistes, I will commend P-Squarefor a better work done because while Paul and Peter have been improving their games, 9ice has been wallowing in mediocrity.




Contextually, music as a form of art is so ubiquitous to the point where you cannot put a definite form to it. There are different genres to it and at different times, an avant-garde form might crop up serving some particular purposes. First to the mind here is TerryG who has totally disregarded coherence and logicality in lyrics thereby turning madness to an art. But the universality of music which made Nigerians, in the late 1990s and the early 2000s, to embrace Awilo Longomba’s “Coupe Bibamba” and Magic System’s “Lepa Gaou” without understanding a word of what they say also excuses TerryG’s antics in the name of music. TerryGdoes not pretend he is into making music, he is only into enunciating sounds, thus it will be unjust for anyone to critique his works based on the necessary parameters of good music. Thus, to critique such work, just consider acceptability from the target audience and let us move on. This actually applies to most of the artistes out there who are victims of self-delusion calling themselves musicians while they are more or less clowns without the costumes.

In synopsis, inasmuch as we call ourselves music connoisseurs because we have a large collection of music and we have an ear for beats and a brain to dissect the lyrics, the bitter truth is there is just so much music, there is so much to music and there is so little we can do about streamlining everything into discrete and distinct categories. The more we try to see through the eyes of the artiste, and consider as many factors as possible, the better we are at critiquing. 


Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!




Tuesday, June 19, 2012

MONOTONOUSLY BORING

Good morning and welcome to a brand new day. Yes, I know it is already afternoon, but I have decided to call it morning because I have not really done anything today, so to me, the day is still as fresh as new. That is the truth! I woke up (thanks to the alarm); had a poo; took my bath; put some clothes on; put on a matching pair of shoe; went to join the staff-bus; got to work; sat at my desk;  put my PC on; checked mails; surfed the net; and that was how this came about. Tell me in all sincerity, could I have broken any part of that chain of events? Like I could say I did not feel like putting some clothes on, what other option do I have, go to work naked? Or like I could say I got to work and I did not feel like sitting at my desk, would I have gone to sit on the CEO’s chair? Or like I don’t feel like putting my PC on, could I just sit and stare into empty space, or maybe put my head on my desk to take a nap and hope my snore will not disturb the whole office? Nothing that I have done today, that I did not have to do. The short thing I am trying to say, but which requires a lot of words to say is: ROUTINE, MONOTONY AND BOREDOM are the hallmarks of my job. My Job Title should read - Manager: Boredom and Monotony.
Imagine if you live your life just going through the motions every day! The only times I get some form of excitement is when it is cascaded from the Top. Let us say there was a network interruption during the weekend, and the company lost some Revenues through that; of course, that would negatively impact Revenue Projections and distort AOP; which invariably means the Top-Line will reflect a Negative Variance versus Target; and the Bottom Line will not be spared because OpEx  was constant all through the interruption; and the Africa Group is not ready to listen to any excuse from the OpCo Heads; and the OpCo Heads believe the Revenue was only missed and not lost, and it is somewhere waiting for us to come and recoup it, and we only have to come up with a plan to go and recoup it, and while recouping it, nothing must happen to the other streams of Revenue, as in this is not even additional, it is our birthright that we have misplaced and we have to go and reclaim, and while reclaiming it, the main Revenue must also be fully maximized, if not surpassed. Now you are beginning to understand what I mean by excitement. In reality, it is PRESSURE. You have to come up with a short-term-strategy that will achieve what a long-term-strategy failed to achieve. But when you deliver the strategy and the execution and the result comes in positive, you have that sense of fulfillment that I can only liken to an orgasm. Apologies for my choice of analogy, it is just that like those fantastic strategies, orgasm is something that I have personally achieved, repeatedly. Unfortunately, Indians are extra-ordinarily meticulous, finicky, fastidious, fuss-budgety, and persnickety such that mistakes are few and far in-between; thus excitement comes once-in-a-while; and in-between the “whiles” lies a very long sequence of hours that have to be filled-up by being busy doing nothing. And SirRash finds that MONOTONOUS, BORING.
I can see some people grimacing already: thinking this dude must be an ungrateful lad *heavy frown*…. He has a job and he still complains *heavier frown*… The work is even simple, imagine, he even blogs at work *WTF*… Actually, I am not complaining, the only other job I can trade this job for is the JOB with a BIGGER ORGANISATION, that offers DOUBLE THE MONEY, and BETTER OPPORTUNITIES which must include working from home so I can blog from home and stop blogging at work, because sometimes my conscience pricks me. Jah (clasps both hands, put them just under my chin with the two thumbs stroking my beards, and lift my face up to the ceiling), please forgive me, You and I know I would not be doing this if there were some other Word,  Excel and/or Powerpoint sheets to occupy my time.
I think I have tried for now. Let me go and pay attention to the 22 Tracks of Banky W and his EME Sidekicks Empire Mates State Of Mind (The Album); who knows, I might even review the album later. For now, let me go and listen and enjoy or or probably endure, who knows.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Monday, June 18, 2012

TEARY MUSINGS

No one is an island
From Yorubaland to Kiwiland

Yet we live cat and mouse
And emulate the louse

Our prerogatives- Selfish
Our attitudes- Fiendish

I'm abysmally Claustrophobic
And concurrently Agoraphobic

Are we irredeemaby Machiavellian?
Can't we prove Hobbes a liar?

Thursday, June 14, 2012

WWW: The Genesis

This is a start which I hope will be looked back upon as a pivotal moment in my life; and by extension, the lives of everyone and anyone that gets to read this.

I had decided long ago that I had to open a blog, but I had been too busy on the streets making people happy. Someone, somewhere, somehow decided that people on the streets had had enough of me and decided to put me on a swivelling chair, at the end of a long desk, in front of an HP PC, in an open office. You would think "Voila, here begets a Blogger!!!" So, I thought too, until I tried to get online and realised that even google is INACCESSIBLE. My PC is always connected to the internet, but I cannot go online. Hello?! I could understand if you block those porn sites (who would want to watch porn in an open office anyway), I would understand if you blocked Facebook and Twitter (those are considered Gossip sites anyway, and we should not encourage gossipping in the office, even if it cannot qualify as office gossips), I should understand if you blocked all those sites where credit card information can be retrieved (that is assuming you know them); but how in the world could you block LinkedIn, Wikipedia, and the almighty Google??? I believe the thought would have been: with Microsoft Office installed on Official HP PC in an open Office, what else would a Civilian Officer need? What I have been trying to say is: my laptop was just like a typical manilla file sold for N20 in a typical bookshop on Ojuelegba Road, when you are coming from Yaba; anything you did not put there, do not expect to find it there.

That was how the idea remained an idea, because like a weak spermatozoon, millions of other ideas, from other people's heads (not from my head), and moving in opposite direction, were alive and strong enough to make sure it remained an idea. Until our cries went around and finally got to the geeks in the IT Department, who pressed some letters and numbers that we also normally press, and achieved results that we cannot ever achieve whether normally, abnormally, or paranormally. The length and breadth of it is that, life finally came into the Official HP PC, and with CTRL+ENTER, after some some letter-combinations (geeky, isn't  it?), I can be transported to anywhere in the world. It was such a journey that finally brought me here to bring my "blognancy" into the Labour Room (do they still call it that name? that sounds kinda scary), and the baby is "Wise Wide and Wild".

I aptly name this Blog "Wise Wide and Wild" simply because that is what you will get from here. The topic willl come as the spirit leads, as the occassion demands, or sometimes as you demand. They will range from the serious to the mundanne to the outlandish. Sometimes they will educate, sometimes they will inform, sometimes they will entertain, most times they will do the three together; I pray a time never comes when they will bore.

This is the just the Genesis. Expect an Exodus of Posts from Me to You... A Chronicle of Wise Wide and Wild posts that will keep you always running back. The gracious Act of spreading the messsage about this Blog will be appreciated, please be my Apostles. And I also need Revelations from you in form of comments and criticisms so I can always meet your lofty standards.

Thank You!
God Bless Us All!!
See You Next Time!!!

Otubanjo Receives Armenia Golden Boot Award

 Otubanjo Receives Armenia Golden Boot Award *BY BOSUN ADEYEMI* Ararat-armenia Nigerian forward Yusuf Otubanjo receive is Golden Boot award ...